Mercedes Roffé–Poeta judío-argentina-norteamericana/Argentine American Jewish Poet — La pura presencia de la letra/The Pure Presence of the Letter

Mercedes Roffé

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Mercedes Roffé es una de las voces más reconocidas de la poesía argentina actual a nivel internacional. Publicados originalmente en España y América Latina, sus libros han sido publicados traducidos en Italia, Canadá, Rumania, Francia, Brasil, Reino Unido, Líbano y Estados Unidos. En 2017 se publicaron sus antologías El Michaux (tintas) y otros poemasTodo alumbraAntología poética El desierto y el oro . En 2018, la prensa Monte Ávila publicó su antología Mansión nocturna. Ha publicado dos libros de ensayo flash, Glosa continua: Ensayos de poética (2018) y Prosas fugaces (2022). Dirige Ediciones Pen Press desde 1998. En 2022, la Editorial de la Universidad de Villa María (Córdoba) publicó Iluminado artificio: Ensayos sobre la obra de Mercedes Roffé, compilado por Eugenia Straccali. Ha recibido las becas John Simon Guggenheim (2001) y Civitella Ranieri (2012), entre otras distinciones. Desde 1995 vive y trabaja entre Buenos Aires y Nueva York.

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Mercedes Roffé is one of the most widely recognized voices in current Argentine poetry on an international scale. Originally published in Spain and Latin America, her books have been published in translation in Italy, Canada, Romania, France, Brazil, the United Kingdom, Lebanon, and the United States. 2017 saw the publication of her anthologies El Michaux (tintas) y otros poemasTodo alumbra , Antología poética and El desierto y el oro  In 2018, Monte Ávila press published her anthology Mansión nocturna. She has published two books of flash essays, Glosa continua: Ensayos de poética (2018) and Prosas fugaces (2022). She has directed Ediciones Pen Press since 1998. In 2022, the Editorial de la Universidad de Villa María (Córdoba) published Iluminado artificio: Ensayos sobre la obra de Mercedes Roffé, compiled by Eugenia Straccali. She has been awarded the John Simon Guggenheim (2001) and the Civitella Ranieri (2012) grants, among other distinctions. Since 1995, she has lived and worked between Buenos Aires and New York.

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Dormir con los ojos abiertos, bien abiertos
Dormir alerta
Dormir de pie, con la frente apoyada en el vano del día
Residir la noche toda en la pura presencia de la letra
Aleph Beth Yod
el rasgo el trazo-cifra

Residir la noche entera en la vigilia
Residir la noche toda insomne
Residir la vida toda en duermevela

porque sentir es más que ver y más aun es fundirse

Residir la noche en el velo de la noche
Residir la noche toda en el alba
Residir la noche toda en el alba pura y plena
Residir la noche en el umbral de la noche
Residir la noche entera
del otro lado del sueño

Residir la noche en el mar profundo
en la vigilia del mar
Residir la noche toda en lo profundo
y ver la noche toda reflejada en la noche
y el fluir de los peces cortando a pique el cielo
el canto de los peces cortando el cielo
y las lustrosas yemas de las algas cimbreando
punteando
la noche oscura del agua
los mascarones fantasmas de los buques del sueño
los mascarones en el aire azul flotando
maridándose con las almas

Residir la noche en el borde de la noche
abajo, donde mora el reflejo verdadero
más allá, donde mora la luna,
no su reflejo
sino su cara de plata verdadera

Tejer la noche con el alba, el alba con el día
el día con el estridor del despertar
las trompetas del día
los metales vibrantes de la orquesta del día


Residir en la llama, en su bóveda azul fría,
en el vibrante azul inofensivo
refugio, templo, iglú en el origen del fuego
estar en el centro y verlo
estar en el centro y hablarle
estar en el centro y no temer
y que no sea temible
sólo belleza pura
oro
y poder verla de frente y verla
y que no sea temible aunque lo sea
SUSPENSIÓN
de todo ,
de todos los sentidos
de lo corpóreo y frágil, vulnerable, mortal, hirsuto
de todos los sentidos
Suspensión del sentido para ver lo pleno
Suspensión del sentido para oír lo pleno
Suspensión del sentido para oler y tocar
gustación de lo pleno
Suspensión del sentido para sentir lo pleno
Suspensión de todos los sentidos para el sentido pleno
Lo múltiple y uno
Lo intraducible
El eco
perfecto y pleno

Porque hay verdad y hay ecos
Hay verdad y hay sombras
Hay verdad y hay la flagrante arquitectura que la cubre y la oculta y la rodea
y la mina y la cerca y distorsiona
Hay verdad y hay espejos
Hay verdad y hay espejos que la cercan
Hay verdad y hay espejos
que traen del sueño la rama que lo prueba
Y hay verdad y hay espejos
que desdicen
hasta los rosados dedos de la aurora
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I.

To sleep with eyes open, wide open
To sleep alert
To sleep standing, forehead resting against the opening of the day
To dwell the whole night in the pure presence of the letter
Aleph Beth Yod
the stroke, the cipher-trace

To dwell the entire night in vigil
To dwell the whole night sleepless
To dwell one’s whole life in a state between sleep and waking

for to feel is more than to see, and more still is to merge

To dwell the night in the veil of the night
To dwell the whole night in the dawn
To dwell the whole night in the pure and full dawn
To dwell the night on the threshold of the night
To dwell the entire night
on the other side of sleep

To dwell the night in the deep sea
in the vigil of the sea
To dwell the whole night in the depths
and see the whole night reflected in the night
and the flow of fish slicing sharply through the sky
the song of fish slicing the sky
and the lustrous tips of seaweed swaying
plucking
the dark night of the water
the phantom figureheads of the ships of sleep
the figureheads floating in the blue air
marrying the souls

To dwell the night on the edge of the night
below, where the true reflection dwells
beyond, where the moon dwells,
not its reflection
but its face of true silver

To weave the night with the dawn, the dawn with the day
the day with the stridency of waking
the trumpets of the day
the vibrating brass of the day’s orchestra


To dwell in the flame, in its cold blue vault,
in the vibrant, harmless blue
refuge, temple, igloo at the origin of fire
to be at the center and see it
to be at the center and speak to it
to be at the center and not fear
and for it not to be fearsome
only pure beauty
gold
and to be able to see it face-on and see it
and for may it not be fearsome, even if it is
SUSPENSION
of everything ,
of all the senses
of the corporeal and fragile, vulnerable, mortal, hirsute
of all the senses
Suspension of sense to see the fullness
Suspension of sense to hear the fullness
Suspension of sense to smell and touch
tasting the fullness
Suspension of sense to feel the fullness
Suspension of all senses for the sense of fullness
The manifold and the one
The untranslatable
The echo
perfect and full

For there is truth and there are echoes
There is truth and there are shadows
There is truth and there is the flagrant architecture that covers it and hides it and surrounds it
and undermines it and fences it in and distorts it
There is truth and there are mirrors
There is truth and there are mirrors that hem it in
There is truth and there are mirrors
that bring from the dream the branch that proves it
And there is truth and there are mirrors
that gainsay
even the rosy fingers of the dawn

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XI.

¿El amor será al cuerpo
lo que la contemplación al alma?
¿Ese sosiego?
¿Esa intuición
del todo en el instante?
¿Ese relámpago en el que
lo real se revela
acorde con su eco?
¿La suspensión fugaz
que presiente todo,
y todo lo comprehende?

¿Será aquel hiato en el fluir del tiempo
el único hogar y patria verdadera?
Hogar y patria:
Llamo así al poseerse,
al mirarse y verse reflejado
en un agua
confiable y serena.
Cuerpo de luz
Cuerpo de bien
Hiperbólico pétalo bogando
entre una y otra ribera.


¿Y si no son dos las riberas?
¿Si todo es uno?
¿Si no son dos ni uno
sino un glisando de espejos
hacia y desde la luz —o el fango?
Cada estación con su afanoso demiurgo
más confundido que cruel
obnubilado, hundido
en el exceso
de un reino que ignora y que lo ignora.


Regente, príncipe y niño —todo a un tiempo,
todo a destiempo.

¿Y si no fuera todo más
que un viaje
por las edades congeladas de ese príncipe
hacia la luz —o el fango?

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XI.

Is love to the body
what contemplation is to the soul?
That stillness?
That intuition
of the whole within the instant?
That flash of lightning in which
the real reveals itself
in harmony with its echo?
The fleeting suspension
that senses all things,
and comprehends all things?

Is that hiatus in the flow of time
the only true home and homeland?
Home and homeland:
That is what I call possessing oneself,
looking at oneself and seeing one’s reflection
in waters
serene and trustworthy.
Body of light
Body of goodness
Hyperbolic petal drifting
from one bank to the other.


And what if there are not two banks?
If all is one?
If it is neither two nor one
but a glissando of mirrors
toward and away from the light—or the mire?
Each season with its zealous demiurge,
more confused than cruel,
befuddled, mired
in the excess
of a kingdom he does not know, and which
does not know him.


Ruler, prince, and child—all at once,
all out of time.

And what if it were nothing more
than a journey
through the frozen ages of that prince
toward the light—or the mire?

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XV.

El poema es el rostro en el espejo
más verdadero que el rostro y que el espejo.
El poema es el flujo de la sangre
más allá del cuerpo,
el ritmo de la sangre más allá de la sangre
—sus cauces rigurosos, su latido sordo y unitario.

El poema es el ritmo de lo otro en mí
más allá de mí, siempre, más allá,
donde mi silencio se topa con tu ritmo
y repercute en mí, que solfeo en el poema
un ritmo numinoso,
cifra que hace eco en el eco
que es cuerpo verdadero
—lo numinoso en ti y en mí—
el ciclo de las esferas tocándose y abandonándose
—alejándose, sí, una de la otra,
pero desasiéndose de sí también
cada cual
en su dorada, fecunda negligencia.
En su ritmo me despliego.
En su metrónomo
caprichoso y fugaz
despliega el universo sus fantasmagorías
—su verdad.

No hay traducción posible.
—o sí la hay:
de lo uno a sí mismo,
de lo uno a aquello que tantea y vence
de lo que sabe de sí
—su pobre imperio.

El poema, digo,
digo la música, digo el movimiento
de la danza en el cuerpo, el de la piedra esculpida…
Y la música en el trazo y en la piedra, digo,
y el movimiento sinuoso y firme del poema,
docta cadencia, felicísima caída en el cruce
de todos los sentidos.

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XV.

The poem is the face in the mirror,
truer than the face and the mirror alike.
The poem is the flow of blood
beyond the body,
the rhythm of blood beyond the blood
—its rigorous channels, its muffled, singular pulse.

The poem is the rhythm of the other within me,
beyond me—always beyond—
where my silence meets your rhythm
and reverberates within me; I who sing, within the poem,
a numinous rhythm,
a cipher echoing within the echo
that is the true body
—the numinous in you and in me—
the cycle of spheres touching and forsaking one another
—drifting apart, yes, one from the other,
yet also letting go of themselves,
each one
in its golden, fertile negligence.
In its rhythm, I unfold.
In its metronome—
capricious and fleeting—
the universe unfolds its phantasmagoria
—its truth.

No translation is possible.
—or perhaps there is:
from the one to itself,
from the one to that which gropes and triumphs
over what it knows of itself
—its meager empire.

The poem, I say—
I say the music, I say the movement
of the dance in the body, that of the sculpted stone…
And the music in the stroke and in the stone, I say,
and the sinuous, steadfast movement of the poem,
learned cadence, A very lucky fall at the intersection
of all the senses.
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Prólogo

Voces
Idioma nacional la música
de las esferas
Quizás por estar en el aire
Por estar
en vuela
Por estar
en tránsito de retorno
Tránsito
Sinagoga del
El catálogo minucioso de la tribu
Ceuta
Tanger
Oran
La breve cárcel
Las ahorcas
el mito del moro y las canciones
La intersección: siete lenguas
Casablanca:
El fin de una historia que no se cuenta
ni deja (de) contar
Oran:
El nombre que circundada la dicha
Incirconcidable
Sin el la no hay concierto
Sólo habrá
Tránsito
Paisaje de retorno
El ángel viene para tranverberarte un pulmón adicto
a la tradición literaria
No solo
La tradición encalada de un convento
Confundís un cuartel con un convento
Igual
que a tu casa de
hija
madre
abuela
Ortopedia
Wanted
El espejo

Tu sino en el papel
Un convento, quiere
Un encierro blanco en el cual
Ser
atravesada
transverberada
maridada con
Padre y maestro

Liróforo cántame
Dime
Hazme
Fúndame
Cúbreme

El que teme la lira
La música de las esferas
No llegará

Llegada
Panorámico oblicua

Padre
Madre
Tío
Tía
Tía
¿Qué hago aquí?
Huyo a una fiesta
Fiesta

¡pronto!

Fiesta
Recuédeme
Soy yo
Estoy aquí
No es posible sin dioses una fiesta
Un tal
Un tal
Mesié Fifí
Mesié Fifí

O llama de amor
El rey se muere
El rey ha muerto
Viva el rey

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Night-vision camera
Prologue

Voices
National language the music
of the spheres
Perhaps for
being in the air
For being
in flight
For being
in transit on the return
Tránsito
Synagogue of
the tribe’s meticulous catalog
Ceuta
Tangier
Oran
The brief prison
The gallows
the myth of the Moor and the songs
The intersection: seven languages
Casablanca:
The end of a story that is not told
nor ceases to be told
Oran:
The name that encircled bliss
Uncircumcisable
Without the *la* there is no concert
There will only be
Transit
Landscape of return
The angel comes to transverberate a lung addicted
to the literary tradition
Not only
The whitewashed tradition of a convent
You confuse a barracks with a convent
Just as
you do your house of
daughter
mother
grandmother
Orthopedics
Wanted
The mirror

Your destiny on paper
A convent, it wants
A white enclosure in which
To be
pierced
transverberated
wedded to
Father and master

Lyre-bearer sing to me
Tell me
Make me
Found me
Cover me
He who fears the lyre
The music of the spheres
Will not arrive

Arrival
Oblique panoramic view

Father
Mother
Uncle
Aunt
Aunt
What am I doing here?
I flee to a party
Party

Quick!

Party

Remember me
It’s me
I am here
A party is not possible without gods
A certain
A certain
Monsieur Fifí
Monsieur Fifí

Or flame of love
The king is dying
The king is dead
Long live the king

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Entonces

Antes, mucho antes
en el tiempo del que te estoy hablando cuando era chica
cuando mi madre era chica mi abuela
cuando la guerra
cuando la Depresión la Ley Seca
cuando el rito mozárabe bate en ordalía doble la cátara herejía
cuando llegaron a América cuando Erik
cuando la Tetralogía
cuando se estrena Traviata en el Colón, a solo cinco
[años
del estreno en París aproximadamente cuando abrió Cartier y el país salía recién de la mazorca
(¿ves… que nada es garantía?)

Cuando todo así de aproximado, erróneo equivocado, evocado
como las citas de Curtius durante la guerra o Borges en su memoriosa ceguera o Paz

y tantos otros en lo ciego
de su apurada ambición


o cuando
los egipcios o cuando construyeron las pirámides los aztecas
solían cuando
la Capilla Sixtina o el metro de Moscú
solían cuando
el califa Omar o los soldados de César destruyeron
la biblioteca de Alejandría
o Nerón Roma
o Dios
la Torre de Babel
o la hierba
el caballo de Atila
(¿dónde quedó, María, tan ardua, la flecha suspendida
como el aliento en la boca
del padre de Tristán? Siempre duele la espera,
¿no? Hasta esperar el final de una frase, un argumento, duele, ¿no?)
cuando
cada cual lo suyo destruyó y hubo

destruido
o armado o hecho o fraguado o erigido


o cuando el detective va y encuentra el cuerpo y
o cuando el marido va y la ve y ve que el chico
o cuando la amiga se da cuenta y


Entonces


cuando cae cuando la noche cuando viene todo lo que viene después
todo lo que por lo general sucede en presente histórico o no necesariamente
después de algo
solo aparentemente conclusivo que sin embargo se abre

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So

Before, long before
in the time I'm talking about when I was a girl
when my mother was a girl, my grandmother
during the war
during the Depression, Prohibition
when the Mozarabic rite faced the Cathar heresy in a double ordeal
when they arrived in America, when Erik was born
when the Ring Cycle was written
when La Traviata premiered at the Colón, just five
[years
after its Paris premiere, approximately, when Cartier opened and the country was just emerging from the cornfield
(you see… nothing is guaranteed?)

When everything was so approximate, erroneous, mistaken, evoked
like Curtius's quotes during the war, or Borges in his memorizing blindness, or Paz

and so many others in the blindness
of their hurried ambition

or when
the Egyptians or when the Aztecs built the pyramids
used to exist when
the Sistine Chapel or the Moscow Metro
used to exist when
Caliph Omar or Caesar's soldiers destroyed
the Library of Alexandria
or Nero Rome
or God
the Tower of Babel
or the grass
Attila's horse
(Where did it go, Maria, so arduous, the arrow suspended
like the breath in the mouth
of Tristan's father? Waiting always hurts,
doesn't it? Even waiting for the end of a sentence, an argument, hurts, doesn't it?)
when
each one destroyed their own and there was

destroyed
or armed or made or forged or erected

or when the detective goes and finds the body and
or when the husband goes and sees her and sees that the boy
or when the friend realizes and

Then

when it falls when night falls when everything that comes after comes
everything that usually happens in the historical present or not necessarily
after something
only seemingly conclusive that nevertheless opens up

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Paisaje



Composición (predominantemente) natural con cierta intención o co(i)nci(d)encia estética armónica o naïve, romántica o siniestra
vívida o espectral abigarrada o escueta
—donde la o no excluye: acumula—en todo caso
pampa con árbol mar en tempestad
regadío suizo con tractor al fondo
muralla almenada y en sesgo, en ojival recuadro campo verde ondulado y caserío
roca roja
tierra negra de hulla hierro
alquitranada autopista
verde olivar intenso / troncos de un marrón calcinado vaca
puesta de sol
—sobreimpresa quizás
un poco demasiado cerca mi cara en el cristal—
nubes, nubes
manada morosa por el llano azul y abajo
como una tela marcada por un sastre

—punto flojo—trapecios de tierra arada amarillo reseco terracota
gris asfalto
un poco más: granito


¿y el desierto?
¿y las montañas negras como lobas?
¿y las cumbres nevadas, borrascosas?


¿y qué del sueño? ¿y qué
del día que empieza? ¿y qué del resignado perfil del que termina?


¿Y de los otros,
lunares y estelares, oníricos, suprarreales,
[submarinos…?
Cuevas de hielo azul y malaquita
horizonte en los ojos del zorro husmeando la próxima
[presa
o corte vertical del vientre del planeta

¿Y qué de la ciudad? ¿qué
de la reina picuda? Aristas, filos, sombras, puntas de
[alfiler
y al borde el río

O acaso se ha de tomar à la lettre
aquello de
«verde y arbolado campestre o inter-
estelar»
—la o no excluye, ni acumula; quizás sea solo el resabio
de un gesto de sorpresa demasiado conciente de sí mismo

paisaje del
país que lleva adentro oh nido pasajero

pasa seca / muy mayor
pésaj éxodo / a través de los caminos
pisa acción de pisar / porción de aceituno
o uva que se estruja de una vez en el molino
o lagar / zurra o tunda de patadas o coces / Germ. casa de mujeres públicas; mancebía
pasaje transición / camino estrecho, oscuro peaje precio
paja
pija miembro viril / cosa insignificante, nadería asia
paje
peje pez, pescado / hombre astuto y taimado pesa
pase
—Pase
(una puerta al vacío)

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Landscape

A (predominantly) natural composition with a certain intention or aesthetic coincidence—harmonious or naïve, romantic or sinister,
vivid or spectral, cluttered or spare
—where the *or* does not exclude: it accumulates—in any case
pampas with a tree, a stormy sea
Swiss irrigated fields with a tractor in the background
a crenellated wall set at an angle; within an ogival frame, rolling green fields and a hamlet
red rock
black earth—coal, iron
tarred highway
intense green olive grove / trunks of a scorched-brown—a cow
sunset
—perhaps superimposed
my face a little too close against the glass—
clouds, clouds
a sluggish herd across the blue plain and below
like fabric marked by a tailor

—loose stitch—trapezoids of plowed earth: parched yellow, terracotta
asphalt gray
a bit more: granite


And the desert?
And the mountains, black as she-wolves?
And the snow-capped, stormy peaks?


And what of the dream? And what
of the day beginning? And what of the resigned profile of the day ending?


And of the others,
lunar and stellar, dreamlike, supra-real,
[submarine…?
Caves of blue ice and malachite
horizon in the eyes of the fox sniffing out its next
[prey
or a vertical cut through the planet’s belly

And what of the city? What
of the peaked queen? Ridges, edges, shadows, pin-
[pricks
and at the edge, the river

Or perhaps one should take literally
that phrase:
"green and wooded—pastoral or inter-
stellar"
—the *or* neither excludes nor accumulates; perhaps it is just the lingering trace
of a gesture of surprise too self-conscious

landscape of the
country carried within—oh, fleeting nest

*pasa* raisin / very old woman
*pésaj* Passover / along the paths
*pisa* act of treading / batch of olives
or grapes crushed all at once in the mill
or winepress / a thrashing or kicking / *Germ.* brothel
*pasaje* transition / narrow, dark path *peaje* toll
*paja* straw
*pija* male member / insignificant thing, trifle
*paje* page (attendant)
*peje* fish / cunning, sly man *pesa* weight
*pase* pass / go ahead
—Come in
(a doorway into the void)

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Algunos de los libros de Mercedes Roffé/Some of Mercedes Roffé’s Books

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Patricia Suárez — Dramaturga y cuentista judío-argentina — “Misery”– Un cuento de las dificultades del amor/A short-story about the difficulties of love

Patricia Suárez

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Patrica Suárez es una escritora argentina. Hija de un padre católica y una madre judía, cursó las carreras de Psicología y Antropología en la Universidad Nacional de Rosario, pero abandonó los estudios para dedicarse de lleno a literatura. Su inclinación a la escritura dramática proviene de afición literaria y no de formación escénica. Ha cultivado todos los géneros: es dramaturga, narradora, ensayista y poeta. En 1994 publicó el primer cuento El señor y la señora Schwarz. Fue alumna de la escritora Hebe Uhart. En 1997, recibió el Premio Haroldo Conti para jóvenes narradores de la Provincia de Buenos Aires por el cuento el aniversario de la muerte del Sr. Rojo. Publicó numerosos cuentos para niños por los cuales recibió premios. Hacia 1999, se interesó en la dramaturgia y tomó clases con el maestro Mauricio Kartú. Escribió alrededor de cuarenta obras. En 2012, participó como jurado en el Premio Cuento Digital. En 2021 el sello Vera de la VR editora la convoca a ser del primer certamen Lidia María Riba. Y en 2022 publicó su primera novela Segunda chance.

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Patricia Suárez is an Argentine writer. Her father was Catholic and her mother Jewish, she studied Psychology and Anthropology at the National University of Rosario but left her studies to devote herself fully to literature. Her inclination toward dramatic writing stems from a love of literature rather than formal training in theater. She has worked across all genres: she is a playwright, fiction writer, essayist, and poet. In 1994, she published her first short story, “El señor y la señora Schwarz.” She was a student of the writer Hebe Uhart. In 1997, she received the Haroldo Conti Prize for young fiction writers from the Province of Buenos Aires for the story “El aniversario de la muerte del Sr. Rojo”. She published numerous children’s stories, for which she received awards. Around 1999, she became interested in playwriting and took classes with the master Mauricio Kartún. She has written around forty works. In 2012, she served as a juror for the Digital Short Story Prize. In 2021, the Vera imprint of VR Editora invited her to participate as a judge in the inaugural Lidia María Riba contest. In 2022, she published her first novel, Segunda Chance

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Oh crazy for thinking that my love could

hold you.

—DIANA KRALL

Cuando llega a mí deja entrever que estaba enamorado desde antes de conocerme. Me toma desprevenida. Leyó cosas que escribío fue al teatro y me vio, no lo sé. Tal vez se hayaprendado por una foto, un gesto, quién sabe. No le pregunto demasiado, tengo pudor. No puede creer, dice,que una mujer tan sabia pueda ser tan bella. Yo mepongo a reír, porque si me pongo a llorar ahí mismo esun bochorno. Quisiera esconderme y que no me vea. Endos segundos me pinchó, me atravesó con el alfilercomo el entomólogo a la mariposa. Bato las alas, suspiro, estoy inmóvil. Estoy loca, le digo. Sentir tanta soledad me volvió loca. Esto último se lo digo una o dosemanas después. Cuando siento que yo tenía el almaen la Oficina de Objetos Perdidos y él fue con el tickety reclamó mi alma y la suya. Esto último, nunca se lo digo.Estoy siempre delante de él mordiéndome los labios;

es como me veo.

     Así empieza:

     Está sentado en la barra Está sentado en la barra de un pub, solo, viendo teatro. Mi amiga L. se acerca, le pregunta quién es, qué hace. Me lo presentan; sigo mi camino. Ese día peleé con E.; fue una escena de celos tan infantil que terminó por hacerme gracia. Tiene a otra persona, vive con ella, pero me hace escenas. En el pub estoy haciendo el relato de los celos de E. cuando aparece él y me dicen quién es.

      A la semana siguiente lo veo dos veces. Una es por casualidad y la otra porque va al teatro. Salimos con el grupo a comer a un bodegón; la gente comienza a irse, él y yo pasamos cuatro horas conversando. Cuando vuelvo es entrada la madrugada. Por la mañana le envío un e-mail: “Perdón si te abrumé, me la pasé hablando todo el encuentro”.

       Él contesta que quedó obnubilado, fascinado o una palabra por el estilo, conmigo. Arreglamos vernos el domingo por la noche, no sé bien para qué. Pero yo no puedo quedarme hasta muy tarde; tengo apenas un par de horas, porque regresa mi hija. Él hace preguntas, sobre mi familia, mi infancia. Los amores. Él habla poco de sí mismo y me seduce con el juego de espejos, haciéndome hablar a mí. Esto lo comprendí mucho después, al final. Sobre mi hermana, me pide que le cuente de ella. Hay cosas muy tristes que sucedieron con mi hermana; no quiero hablar de eso. Le pregunto por qué quiere saber estos hechos; estoy cómoda hablando con él, pero estos hechos son muy dolorosos, me parten el corazón. ¿Qué sentido tiene…? Él se pone de pie, me besa pasando por encima de la mesa. Jaque a la reina.

     Nos vemos unos días después, un día convenido.

     Yo no sé nada sobre él, me doy cuenta.

      Está en el cono de sombra.

      Pero me atrae tanto que de pronto tengo miedo de preguntar alguna cosa y saber su respuesta. No quiero decepcionarme. Me ha enloquecido tanta decepción últimamente. Puede ser que él viva con otra mujer, su Me quiere, agrega. Así que pasan los días y yo me enamoro. Casi como una decisión consciente. Me duele el pecho, tengo taquicardia, no duermo hasta las dos de la mañana. Tengo encima una dosis extra de energía.           Suspendo las relaciones con otros hombres, los hago a un lado. A E. le explico que me enamoré de otro, que es el efecto de la flecha de oro en el corazón y aquel rollo de los griegos. E. dice primero que se alegra por mí, en el teléfono. Pero cuando lo veo para que me devuelva un libro y un cd se le llenan los ojos de lágrimas. Trato de no ver eso; cuido mi alegría como a una orquídea en el Polo Norte.

      Te adoro, me dice, me escribe este hombre. Te adoro.      

     Me llama bella y egomaníaca.

     Nunca antes había oído la palabra.

      Sufro, no cabe duda: no puedo evitarlo.

     Gozo, probablemente.

     Aumento las sesiones de terapia: voy dos veces a la semana.

      Pero él tiene muchos problemas de horarios y yo también.

     Un día viene a verme y me dice que no se puede quedar a dormir.

    O el fin de semana se va afuera.

      O en el trabajo le ponen horas extras. Nos cuesta vernos. No es un problema, pienso.

Somos uno la víctima de la agenda del otro.

      No me quejo, pasan dos semanas así, tal vez tres. Me tiene envuelta en su amor, o lo que parece su amor. Las citas siguen suspendiéndose y yo sigo sin enojarme. Nada más pienso: “He estado tan triste, que ahora que hay alegría en mi vida, no quiero perder este sentimiento”.

       Conservar el calor, ese es todo mi objetivo; lo conservo con desesperación de avaro.

      Me escribe dos o tres cartas de amor. En la última pone frases como que soy la luz de su existencia, soy el mar, la lluvia, un ser líquido que lo puede y lo vence. Es jueves.

     Nos vemos al otro día, el viernes. Critica mi forma de ser, de manejarme con el dinero. La plata no me dura lo suficiente, por un lado tengo muchos gastos y por otro no es un tema de importancia. Si me importara más, tendría más. No es la filosofía que él cultiva, noto. Hablamos de plata, de economía. ¿Por qué? Para mí él habla en chino esa tarde, quiero que me bese, que me meta en sus auto cosas bonitas, lo del mar, la lluvia, el ser líquido. Pero no lo hace. Habla de que tengo que pedir un crédito en el banco. Que no puedo seguir viviendo en este estado de caos.

      Hace tres semanas que estamos juntos y de pronto me pregunta a cuánto ascienden mis ahorros en el banco. Cuáles son mis ingresos mensuales. Si poseo tarjeta de crédito y cuál es. Dudo entre decirle los montos o no. Tiene más plata que yo, no va a secuestrarme. En ese instante calculo: “Me hace estas observaciones porque será él quién me prestará la plata para…”. Pero mi cálculo falla y él permanece en silencio, hosco, pidiéndome cuentas. Me angustio, ¿qué es esto?, ¿qué tiene que ver esto con…? Algo no funciona. Como sea, estoy herida por sus palabras; él ordena: “Andáte, andáte del bar. No quiero verte llorar”.

     Así que me voy.

     Cuando llego, E. está esperándome.

     Viene a traerme un libro y dinero prestado que le pedí días atrás.

     Me ve alterada, me pregunta qué me pasa.

     Me echo en sus brazos.

     Soy un desastre, le digo, hago todo mal.

     De modo que entre E. y yo sucede todo de nuevo.

     No le cuento nada de lo que ocurre con el otro hombre, lo que falla.

       No quiero que se haga ilusiones conmigo.

      Varios días después, veo al otro hombre. Da algunas vueltas y al fin me dice que por características personales suyas no quiere seguir viéndome de esta manera. Esas son exactamente las palabras que usa. Me desconcierta, pero no me duele. Le respondo e que sí y me da una lección de arte moderno. No es una metáfora: empieza a hablarme de arte moderno como si yo fuera su hija o su alumna. Le digo: “Cuidate”; luego salgo del bar.

      Al cabo de unos días, comienza a llamarme de nuevo. Está mal, me extraña. Quiere verme, pero a cada intento de cita pasa algo horrible a su alrededor: las hijas se enferman, se le muere un pariente, en el trabajo lo presionan, el dentista lo daña, tiene mal el estómago, los intestinos, los ojos, lo que sea: esto dura semanas enteras.

      Me encuentro alentándolo a salir adelante. Uso la voz de ir a la verdulería cuando hablo con él.

      Esa última semana E. me envía mensajes en las noches, tarde. Dice que quiere verme; tiene necesidad de verme; lo llamo. Estoy tentada de la risa cuando hablo con él. Me hace gracia cuando pronuncia frases de bolero, le tengo mucho afecto, me gusta enormemente: es un vicio y una debilidad.

     A veces es el hombre que quiero a mi lado por el resto de mi vida, aunque nunca vaya a pedírselo. Tengo miedo de mudar de opinión llegado el momento. Estoy loca, podría decirle alguna vez, loca por intentar una y otra vez, loca de tanto lamentar su ausencia las tardes de domingo. Oculto la risa en un acceso de tos y comento que estoy pasando por el final de una gripe. Le digo que venga a verme cuando tengas ganas, que estoy sola otra vez. Viene a los pocos días, pone cara de compungido porque se me terminó el amor. Es mal actor; veo cómo está de feliz. Me dice: “Contáme qué pasó”. Hago el relato pormenorizado eludiendo las escenas de sexo, para no provocar sus celos.

       “¿Tiene 45 años y se enamoró de vos antes de conocerte?”. Sí, digo. Parece que sí. “¿A vos eso no te dio desconfianza? ¿Tantas películas norteamericanas que viste y no te dio desconfianza? ¿No pensaste en Misery?   

      Después, vamos al dormitorio.

Pienso que quiero hacerlo durar lo más posible.

      Doy a E. la llavecita de abajo y la de arriba.

      Sonríe, las guarda en el bolsillo de su pantalón.    

      Hablamos de libros, lo que él lee, lo que él escribe.

      Cierra con su propia llave cuando se va.

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Misery

Oh crazy for thinking that my love could

hold you.

DIANA KROLL

When he approaches me, he hints that he had been in love with me even before we met. It catches me off guard. He read things I wrote, or went to the theater and saw me—I don’t know. Perhaps he was captivated by a photo, a gesture—who knows? I don’t ask too much; I’m too shy. He can’t believe, he says, that a woman so wise can be so beautiful. I start to laugh, because if I were to cry right then and there, it would be mortifying. I want to hide so he doesn’t see me. In two seconds, he pinned me, pierced me with a needle just as an entomologist does a butterfly. I flutter my wings, I sigh, I am motionless. I’m crazy, I tell him. Feeling such loneliness drove me crazy. I tell him this last part a week or twolater. When I feel as though my soul had beenat the Lost and Found, and he went with the claim ticket and reclaimed both my soul and his own. That last part—I never tell him that. I am always standing before him, biting my lips; that is how I see myself.

     It begins like this:

     He is sitting at a pub bar, alone, watching a play. My friend L. approaches him, asks who he is and what he does. I’m introduced to him; I go on my way. That day, I’d had a fight with E.; it was such a childish scene of jealousy that I eventually found it funny. He has someone else, lives with her, yet he makes scenes with me. At the pub, I’m recounting E.’s jealousy when he appears and I’m told who he is.

    The following week, I see him twice. Once by chance, and the other time because he goes to the theater. We go out with the group to eat at a casual tavern; people start to leave, but he and I spend four hours talking. When I return, it is the early hours of the morning. In the morning, I send him an email: “Sorry if I overwhelmed you; I spent the whole time talking.”

He replies that he was dazzled—fascinated, or some word to that effect—by me. We arrange to meet on Sunday night—I’m not quite sure for what purpose. But I can’t stay out too late; I have only a couple of hours, because my daughter is coming back. He asks questions—about my family, my childhood, my past loves. He speaks little about himself and seduces me with a game of mirrors, drawing me out to talk instead. I only understood this much later—at the very end. He asks me to tell him about my sister. Very sad things happened involving my sister; I don’t want to talk about it. I ask him why he wants to know these details; I feel at ease talking to him, but these events are deeply painful—they break my heart. What is the point…? He stands up and kisses me, leaning across the table. Check to the queen.

     We meet again a few days later, on an agreed-upon day.

      I realize I know nothing about him.

     He is in the cone of shadow.

     But he draws me in so powerfully that I’m suddenly afraid to ask anything and learn the answer. I don’t want to be disappointed. I’ve been driven mad by so much disappointment lately. It’s possible he lives with another woman—or that he loves me, he adds. So the days go by, and I fall in love. Almost as a conscious decision. My chest aches, my heart races, I stay awake until two in the morning. I’m charged with an extra dose of energy. I put a stop to my relationships with other men; I cast them aside. I explain to E. that I’ve fallen for someone else—that it’s the effect of the golden arrow in the heart, that whole Greek myth thing. E. says—over the phone—that he’s happy for me at first. But when I see him to get back a book and a CD, his eyes fill with tears. I try not to look at that; I guard my joy like an orchid at the North Pole.

“I adore you,” this man tells me, writes to me. “I adore you.”

      He calls me beautiful and an egomaniac.

      I’d never heard the word before.

      I suffer; there’s no doubt about it; I can’t help it.

      I revel in it, too, probably.

      I increase my therapy sessions: I go twice a week.

     But he has scheduling conflicts, and so do I.

    One day he comes to see me and says he can’t stay the night.

     Or he goes out of town for the weekend.

Or he gets assigned overtime at work. It’s hard for us to see each other. It’s not a problem, I tell myself.

     We are each the victim of the other’s schedule.

     I don’t complain; two weeks go by like this, maybe three. He has me wrapped up in his love—or what seems to be his love. Dates keep getting cancelled, yet I don’t get angry. I simply think: “I’ve been so sad that now, with joy in my life, I don’t want to lose this feeling.”

     Holding onto the warmth—that is my sole objective; I cling to it with a miser’s desperation.

     He writes me two or three love letters. In the last one, he writes things like how I am the light of his existence—how I am the sea, the rain, a fluid being that can overcome and conquer him. It’s Thursday.

     We see each other the next day, Friday. He criticizes the way I am, the way I handle money. My cash doesn’t last long enough; on one hand, I have high expenses, and on the other, it’s not a priority for me. If I cared more about it, I’d have more. It’s not the philosophy he cultivates, I notice. We talk about money, about the economy. Why? To me, he’s speaking a foreign language that afternoon; I want him to kiss me, to whisper sweet things—that stuff about the sea, the rain, the fluid being. But he doesn’t. He talks about how I need to take out a bank loan. How I can’t go on living in this state of chaos.

      We’ve been together for three weeks, and suddenly he asks how much I have in savings. What my monthly income is. Whether I have credit card, and which one it is. I hesitate over whether to tell him the amounts. He has more money than I do; he’s not going to kidnap me. In that moment, I reason: “He’s making these remarks because he’s the one who’s going to lend me the money for…” But my calculation is off; he remains silent, sullen, demanding an accounting. I feel distressed—what is this? What does this have to do with…? Something isn’t right. In any case, I’m hurt by his words; he orders: “Go—get out of the bar. I don’t want to see you cry.”

     So, I leave.

    When I arrive, E. is waiting for me.

He’s come to bring me a book and the money I’d asked to borrow days earlier.

    He sees I’m upset and asks what’s wrong.

    I fall into his arms.

I’m a disaster, I tell him; I do everything wrong.

And so, things happen between E. and me all over again.

I don’t tell him anything about what’s going on with the other man—about what’s going wrong.

     I don’t want him getting the wrong idea about us.

     Several days later, I see the other man. He hems and haws a bit, then finally tells me that, due to his own personal nature, he doesn’t want to keep seeing me this way. Those are the exact words he uses. It leaves me bewildered, but it doesn’t hurt. I agree, and he proceeds to give me a lesson on modern art. It’s not a metaphor: he starts talking to me about modern art as if I were his daughter or his student. I tell him, “Take care of yourself,” and then I leave the bar.

      A few days later, he starts calling me again. He’s in a bad way; he misses me. He wants to see me, but every time we try to arrange a meeting, something horrible happens in his life: his daughters get sick, a relative dies, he’s under pressure at work, the dentist botches a procedure, he has stomach trouble, intestinal issues, eye problems—you name it. This goes on for weeks.

      I find myself encouraging him to pull through. When I speak to him, I use the same tone of voice I’d use at the greengrocers.

     That last week, E. sends me messages late at night. He says he wants to see me—he *needs* to see me—so I call him. I feel like laughing when I talk to him. I find it amusing when he comes out with lines straight out of a romantic ballad; I’m very fond of him, I like him immensely—he’s a vice and a weakness.

      Sometimes he’s the man I want by my side for the rest of my life, even though I’ll never ask him for that. I’m afraid I might change my mind when the moment comes. I’m crazy—I might tell him that someday—crazy for trying again and again, crazy from missing him so much on Sunday afternoons. I hide my laughter behind a fit of coughing and mention that I’m getting over the flu. I tell him to come see me whenever he feels like it, that I’m alone again. He comes over a few days later, putting on a look of contrition because my relationship has ended. He’s a bad actor; I can see how happy he is. He says, “Tell me what happened.” I give him a detailed account, skipping the sex scenes so as not to make him jealous.

     “He’s forty-five and he fell in love with you before he even met you?” Yes, I say. It seems so. “Didn’t that make you suspicious? After all those American movies you’ve watched, didn’t it make you suspicious? Didn’t you think of “Misery?

     Afterwards, we go to the bedroom.

     I think about how I want to make it last as long as possible.

     I give E. the small key for the bottom lock and the one for the top.

     He smiles and slips them into his trouser pocket.

     We talk about books—what he reads, what he writes.

      He locks up with his own key when he leaves.

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Libros y dramas de Patricia Suárez/Books and Plays by Patricia Suárez

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Horacio Vodovotz — Maestro del arte judío argentino/Maestro of Argentine Jewish Art — El judaísmo y el arte/Judaism and Art

Horacio Vodovotz

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Horacio Vodovotz nació en 1942. Estudió dibujo y pintura con Manuel Eichelbaum y Demetrio Urruchua. Se graduó como Arquitecto Universidad de Buenos Aires en 1967. Con sus óleos y monocopias concurre a salones Nacionales, Provinciales y Municipales desde 1955. Habiendo sido seleccionado en más de cien oportunidades y obteniendo numerosos premios. Han destacado también sus trabajos por Radio Barcelona y en Israel los periódicos “Aurora” y “Maariv”. Entre sus murales se destacan “Lago Kineret” (1966) de cien metros cuadrados y ubicado en Buenos Aires, y otros como el realizado en Barrington Shores, EEUU (1988), en B’nai B’rith (1990) y Hospital Israelita (1998). Poseen obras suyas los Museos de Campana, del Grabado, Colecciones Privadas e Instituciones la Argentina y Brasil, Paraguay, Uruguay, Costa Rica, Francia, Inglaterra, Israel, los Estados Unidos, y la ex-Unión Soviética. Escribe y da clases y conferencias sobre temas de su especialidad en diversos ámbitos tales como Comunidad Emanu-El, B’nai B’rith, Facultad de Odontología, Colegio de Farmacéuticos y Bioquímicos y las Escuelas ORT.

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Horacio Vodovotz was born in 1942. He studied painting and drawing with Manuel Eichelbaum and Demetrio Urruchua. He graduated in 1967, obtaining his degree in Architecture from the Universidad de Buenos Aires. Since 1955, he has shown his oil paintings and monotypes in national, provincial and municipal exhibitions. Having been a finalist in more than 100 events, he has won many prizes. Also, his works have been praised by Radio Barcelona and by the newspapers “Aurora” and “Maariv” in Israel. His most important murals are “Lake Kineret” (1966), one hundred square meters in size and located in Buenos Aires, and others in Barrington Shores, U.S.A. (1988), at B’nai B’rith Argentina (1990), and at the Hospital Israelita of Buenos Aires (1998). His works are owned by the Campana and Prints Museums in Buenos Aires and in institutional and private collections in Argentina, Brazil, Paraguay, Uruguay, Costa Rica, France, England, Israel, the United States, and the former Soviet Union. Horacio Vodovotz writes, gives classes, and lectures about topics in which he specializes in varied locales such as the Emmanuel Synagogue, B’nai B’rith, the College of Dentistry, the School of Pharmacy and the College of Pharmacists and Biochemists, and the ORT school system.

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De/From: Horacio Vodovotz. Manchas. Buenos Aires: Milá,

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Es un concepto muy difundido el de” viejo testamento” y nuevo testamento.

En realidad, nuestro conjunto de libros más sagrados es el Pentateuco, compendio de gran sabiduría, ética y tradiciones, de ninguna manera es viejo, ni cede sus derechos ante un nuevo testamento que durante más de dos mil años ha sido fuen-e de inspiración para artistas que casi nunca fueron judíos.

La mitología nórdica quedó representada principalmente en el costado de los barcos vikingos.

Homero y las tragedias griegas fueron ilustradas en vasos y frescos.

La epopeya de Mahabarata y Ramayana convocó a multitud de artistas que reprodujeron hasta el cansancio imágenes y temas de gran monotonía.

En cambio, las sagradas escrituras están vinculadas a extraordinarias y renovadas creaciones pictóricas.

Desde el arte de las catacumbas y las iglesias paleocristianas,    pasando por las iluminaciones medievales y el arte gótico, la minuciosidad bizantina y la explosión creativa del Renacimiento, la magia del primer surrealismo (Hieronymus Bosch) y la magia flamenca, el expresionismo y el arte moderno en general, hasta el arte abstracto, todos buscaron inspiración en La Biblia.

El mundo occidental está impregnado de este material, por me-dio de las reproducciones, de las obras de arte que atesoran palacios, iglesias, museos y galerías.

En algunos casos, como el Génesis desarrollado en el    cielorraso de la Capilla Sixtina a lo largo de seiscientos metros cuadra-dos, se convierten de la mano de Miguel Ángel en un pináculo del arte universal.

Lo cierto es que en la inmensa mayoría de estas obras hay un desarrollo de una iconografía exclusivamente cristiana, y nos falta una mirada judía sobre toda la temática bíblica, motivada en sus orígenes por la prohibición de reproducir imágenes.

Como ejemplo tomaremos la figura del rey David y algunas   interpretaciones de su mítica imagen realizada por artistas gentiles y judíos.

Indiscutible desde un punto de vista plástico, el David de bronce de Donatello aparece con un aire nada viril. El gran maestro Donatello privilegia en este caso una graciosa ambigüedad plas-nada en un sombrerito con flores y un cuerpo llamativamente feminoide.

Algunas de las preguntas que me formulo son obviamente si es ta imagen representa la dura vida de nuestros líderes pastores, su humildad, la energía y determinación del hombre que unificó a Israel.

Tampoco parece posible que “este” David pudiera llevar la tremenda espada que según la Torá le arrebató a Goliath.

¿Cómo no mencionar al más famoso David de todos los tiempos?

Admiración de entendidos y legos, motivo de peregrinación de turistas, modelo inspirador de estudiantes de arte, infinitamente festejado y reproducido.

Un volcado original recala en nuestras tierras hacia 1910 y se encuentra en dependencias del Instituto Superior Ernesto de la Cárcova.

Ahora bien ¿qué representa el David de Miguel Ángel? Un impecable efebo griego, con músculos de gimnasio, peinado con rizos y demás características que responden al canon de belleza griego rescatado por el renacimiento.

Considero una simple anécdota la circuncisión, que en el caso de este mármol (maravilloso en otros sentidos) pertenece a una serie de hechos visibles.

Siendo nosotros, los judíos particularmente sensibles a lo “in-tangible”(un Poder Superior al que no podemos nombrar ni ver) estamos en deuda y nos toca rescatar la espiritualidad del rey David, sus luchas interiores, las huellas que en su rostro dejaron sin duda las tormentas que pasaron por su alma.

Paradigma de los artistas judíos, Chagall imagina un Rey pura poesía y alegría.

Predomina el rojo. El David de Chagall tiene un arpa en lama-no es un Rey poeta y no un Rey guerrero. Como en casi todas las grandes obras de arte Chagall pinta a Chagall a través de la imagen de David.

Abordé repetidas veces el tema en mis propias pinturas.

Un rey David pastor de grandes dimensiones fue distinguido con un premio en una iglesia.

Creo que casi siempre me preocupó representar un David sacudido por sus tormentas interiores.

Quien sabe el que más me representa es un rey anciano, las ma-nos abiertas en forma de súplica. Están vacías de riquezas y atributos de poder.

Es el instante en que el rey David, próximo a morir, habla con su Rey.

Me pregunto ¿qué maravillosos testimonios nos hubiera dejado los escribas de la Torá si hubieran realizado pinturas o croquis, ilustrando, iluminando los personajes de nuestra historia desde un ángulo judaico?

El Rey David por Horacio Vodovotz/King David by Horacio Vodovotz

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The concepts of the “Old Testament” and “New Testament” are universally known.

In reality, our most sacred body of work is the Pentateuch—a compendium of profound wisdom, ethics, and traditions. It is by no means “old,” nor does it yield its standing to a New Testament that, for over two thousand years, has served as a source of inspiration for artists who were almost never Jewish.

Norse mythology was primarily depicted on the sides of Viking ships.

Homer and the Greek tragedies were illustrated on vases and frescoes.

The epics of the Mahabharata and Ramayana drew a multitude of artists who endlessly reproduced images and themes that often bordered on the monotonous.

In contrast, the Sacred Scriptures are linked to extraordinary and ever-evolving artistic creations.

From the art of the catacombs and Early Christian churches—through medieval illuminations, Gothic art, Byzantine intricacy, the creative explosion of the Renaissance, the magic of early Surrealism (Hieronymus Bosch) and the Flemish masters, Expressionism, and modern art in general, all the way to abstract art—artists have sought inspiration in the Bible.

The Western world is steeped in this material, encountered through reproductions and the artworks treasured in palaces, churches, museums, and galleries.

In some instances—such as the depiction of Genesis across the six hundred square meters of the Sistine Chapel ceiling—these themes, in the hands of Michelangelo, become a pinnacle of universal art.

The fact remains, however, that the vast majority of these works feature an exclusively Christian iconography; we lack a Jewish perspective on these biblical themes—a void stemming from the original prohibition against creating graven images.

As a case study, we will examine the figure of King David and various interpretations of his legendary image by both Gentile and Jewish artists. From a purely aesthetic standpoint, Donatello’s bronze David presents an air that is anything but virile. Here, the great master Donatello favors a charming ambiguity, embodied in a small, flower-adorned hat and a strikingly feminine physique.

One naturally wonders whether this image truly represents the harsh life of our shepherd-leaders, their humility, or the energy and determination of the man who unified Israel.

Nor does it seem plausible that this David could wield the massive sword that, according to the Torah, he wrested from Goliath.

How could one fail to mention the most famous David of all time?

Admired by experts and laypeople alike, a magnet for tourists, an inspiration to art students, and endlessly celebrated and reproduced.

An original cast arrived in our region around 1910 and is housed at the Ernesto de la Cárcova Higher Institute.

But what does Michelangelo’s David represent? An impeccable Greek ephebe—a youth with gym-honed muscles, curly hair, and other features adhering to the Greek canon of beauty revived during the Renaissance.

I view the matter of circumcision—which, in the case of this marble figure (marvelous in other respects), is simply one visible detail among many—as a mere footnote.

As Jews, we are particularly attuned to the “intangible”—a Higher Power that can be neither named nor seen—and thus it falls to us to reclaim the spirituality of King David: his inner struggles and the traces left upon his face by the storms that surely raged within his soul.

A paragon for Jewish artists, Chagall envisions a King who embodies pure poetry and joy.

Red dominates the composition. Chagall’s David holds a harp; he is a poet-king, not a warrior-king. As in so many great works of art, Chagall paints himself through the image of David.

I, too, have repeatedly explored this theme in my own paintings. A monumental statue of King David as a shepherd was honored with an award at a church.

I think I was almost always concerned with portraying a David shaken by his inner storms.

Perhaps the one that best represents me is an aged king, his hands open in supplication—empty of riches and the trappings of power.

It captures the moment when King David, nearing death, speaks with his King.

I wonder: what marvelous testimonies might the scribes of the Torah have left us had they created paintings or sketches illustrating and illuminating the figures of our history from a Jewish perspective?

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A los pocos días de mi trajinar por la RovaYehudí (el cuarto judío de Jerusalem antigua) con mis pasteles a cuestas ya me había hecho de algunos conocidos.

Por ejemplo, estaba el hombre del bar, campechano al estilo israelí, que me preguntaba: ¡cómo? ¡solamente hiciste dos cuadros hoy?

Y también tenía un seguidor. Cuando menos lo esperabas. a tus espaldas aparecía Moshé.

Moshé era un muchacho de unos diecisiete años, ortodoxo, (quién no en la Rova) con sus vestiduras negras, peies, kipá (rulos, solideo) y unos grandes ojos oscuros llenos de asombro.

Aparte de estar muy atento a lo que yo hacía (lo cual revela una profunda inteligencia) Moshé dejaba translucir una pequeña inferioridad mental.

Hablaba únicamente hebreo (rak ivrit). Es posible que eso nos haya unido un poco, porque mi hebreo era positivamente el de un deficiente mental también.

Lo cierto es que a pesar de las notorias dificultades en nuestra comunicación varias cosas quedaron claras:

En primer lugar, Moshé no estudiaba Torá, como sí lo hacían la abrumadora mayoría de los jóvenes en la Roba. Ya sea por elección o imposibilidad, Moshé estudiaba carpintería, además de seguirme por las callejuelas de piedra, lo cual lo constituía en mi casi exclusivo público. Moshé era reservado, respetuoso y gentil.

En uno de los tantos paseos que Lidia y yo hacíamos hasta el Kotel nos topamos abruptamente con Moshé.

Lo llamé cordialmente, con ansias de presentarle a Lidia a mi único admirador.

Había algo raro en Moshé. La expresión de sus ojos excedía el asombro habitual. Tenían un destello de pena, un brillo de pánico.

Por un momento pensé que lo cohibía (como a todo religioso la proximidad de una mujer.

Simplemente me dijo: mataron a mi joven camarada, compañero) Más tarde nos enteramos, que durante la madrugada, en una zona que recorríamos habitualmente con Lidia, unos terroristas habían emboscado y asesinado al joven javer de Moshé, cuyo pecado había sido regresar de madrugada de una fiesta.

Ya de vuelta en Buenos Aires, me preguntaba por qué no había tomado algún boceto de Moshé.

¡Cuánto me había costado que algún religioso se dejara retratar!

Con alguna triquiñuela y mucha diplomacia logré dos bocetos, una noche afortunada en Mea Sharim.

Entiendo que dada nuestra amistad, Moshé me hubiera permitido dibujarlo.

Había yo traído más de sesenta obras de Israel.

Quien sabe se me había generado cierto cansancio. Tal vez por eso me encontré retocando un pequeño paisaje con cúpulas de Moscú.

En forma totalmente inadvertida, sobre las cúpulas surgió como un fantasma el retrato de Moshé. Con los grandes ojos llenos de miedo, tal como seme apareciera cerca del Kotel.

No sé qué me llevó a conservarlo. Ya que no era un trabajo decididamente “para dejar”. (Debo hacer notar que tapo con otro cuadro aquellos que no me convencen decididamente, lo cual convierte a casi todas mis obras en verdaderos palimpsestos).

Llegó el momento de enmarcar las obras de Israel para un par de exposiciones pendientes.

Confieso que me dio lástima, entre más de sesenta obras dejar sin marco al pobre Moshé. Pero no lo expuse.

Varios meses después vino a verme Jaime K. Horacio, me dijo emocionado, está Melwyn Weiss en Argentina Como sabrás, es muy amigo de Clinton y gran coleccionista de cuadros. Le encantó tu Judas Macabeo. ¿Qué te parece si se lo regalamos? El macabeo es una donación, hecha con la condición de que esté en determinado lugar de la Institución, con la chapa donde figuran los donantes bien a la vista. Eso no se regala.

Entonces voy a tratar de llevar a Melwyn a tu atelier.

¿Te imaginás cuando estés al lado de un Picasso?

Lo cierto es que los esfuerzos de Jaime K. fueron infructuosos. M. Wandaba siempre ocupado en alguna banalidad, como reunirse con el presidente Menem o con algún ministro. Vaya a saber qué pavada estarían tratando en vez de venir de una buena vez a buscar mi cuadro.

Jaime K. no se rendía. Tomó un álbum con fotos de mis cuadros y se fue al hotel de Melwyn. Que cuidadosamente seleccionó entre más de doscientas fotografías…el retrato de Moshé.

¿Cómo te sentís ahora que estás al lado de Picasso? Preguntó Jaime K.

Catorce. Catorce Picassos exclamó entusiasta Aída K.

Muy contento. Muy contento. Y desde el fondo de todas mis frustraciones y de mi refinado resentimiento, agregué: ahora Picasso se va empezar a valorizar.

Pensé que esta historia se terminaba aquí. Pero me encuentro con la noticia de que los Picasso de Melwyn Weiss (no catorce sino unos ciento setenta) se están exponiendo en este abril del 2001 en La Plata. Me pregunto si Melwyn Weiss sabrá quién es este Moshé que lo mira con grandes ojos de asombro desde el fondo de algún pasillo lleno de tesoros donde sólo puede destacarse por la humildad de su tamaño.

Me pregunto si alguna vez volveré a pintar en La Roba, donde dejé la mitad de mi alma, y cuando menos lo espere, allí estará Moshé haciéndome un millar de preguntas mudas, que yo no tendré palabras para responder.

Sucedió en Jerusalem/It Happened in Jerusalem por Horacio Vodovotz

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Within a few days of making my rounds in the Rova Yehudi (the Jewish Quarter of the Old City of Jerusalem) with my pastels in tow, I had already made a few acquaintances.

For instance, there was the man at the bar—affable in that typical Israeli way—who would ask me, “What? You only did two paintings today?”

And then there was a follower. Just when you least expected it, Moshé would appear right behind you.

Moshé was a boy of about seventeen—an Orthodox Jew (as was everyone in the Rova), dressed in black, with peyot (sidelocks) and a kippah (skullcap), and possessing large, dark eyes filled with wonder.

Aside from being keenly attentive to what I was doing—which revealed a deep intelligence—Moshé also displayed signs of a mild intellectual disability.

He spoke only Hebrew (rak ivrit). That might have been what bonded us a little, since my Hebrew was, frankly, on the level of someone with a mental disability as well.

The fact is, despite the obvious communication barriers, a few things became clear:

First, Moshé did not study Torah, unlike the overwhelming majority of young men in the Rova. Whether by choice or necessity, Moshé was studying carpentry—in addition to following me through the stone alleyways, a habit that made him my almost exclusive audience. Moshé was reserved, respectful, and gentle.

On one of the many walks Lidia and I took to the Kotel (Western Wall), we ran right into Moshé.

I called out to him warmly, eager to introduce Lidia to my one and only admirer.

There was something odd about Moshé. The look in his eyes went beyond his usual sense of wonder. There was a glint of sorrow in them, a flash of panic. For a moment, I thought I was making him self-conscious (as the proximity of a woman does to any religious man).

He simply told me: “They killed my young comrade—my friend.” Later, we learned that during the early hours of the morning—in an area Lidia and I frequented—terrorists had ambushed and murdered Moshe’s young friend, whose only sin had been returning late from a party.

Back in Buenos Aires, I wondered why I hadn’t made a sketch of Moshe.

It had been such a struggle to get any religious man to agree to be portrayed!

Through a bit of trickery and a great deal of diplomacy, I had managed to secure two sketches one lucky night in Mea Shearim.

I realize that, given our friendship, Moshe would have allowed me to draw him.

I had brought back more than sixty works from Israel.

Perhaps a certain weariness had set in. That might explain why I found myself touching up a small landscape featuring the domes of Moscow.

Quite unexpectedly, the portrait of Moshe emerged over the domes like a ghost—his large eyes filled with fear, just as he had appeared to me near the Western Wall.

I don’t know what prompted me to keep it, as it wasn’t a piece I was fully satisfied with. (I should note that I paint over works that don’t quite convince me, turning almost all my pieces into veritable palimpsests.)

The time came to frame the works from Israel for a couple of upcoming exhibitions.

I admit I felt a pang of regret leaving poor Moshe unframed among more than sixty other pieces. But I didn’t exhibit it.

Several months later, Jaime K. came to see me. “Horacio,” he said excitedly, “Melwyn Weiss is in Argentina. As you know, he’s a close friend of Clinton’s and a major art collector. He absolutely loved your Judas Maccabeus. What do you think about giving it to him as a gift?” The Macabeo is a donation made on the condition that it be displayed in a specific part of the institution, with the plaque bearing the donors’ names clearly visible. That isn’t something one simply gives away.

So, I’m going to try to take Melwyn to your studio.

Can you imagine standing next to a Picasso?

The truth is, Jaime K.’s efforts were fruitless. M. Wandaba was always busy with some triviality—meeting with President Menem or some minister. Who knows what nonsense they were discussing instead of finally coming to pick up my painting.

Jaime K. didn’t give up. He took an album of photos of my paintings and went to Melwyn’s hotel. He carefully selected—from among more than two hundred photographs—the portrait of Moshé.

“How does it feel to be standing next to a Picasso?” Jaime K. asked.

“Fourteen. Fourteen Picassos,” Aída K. exclaimed enthusiastically.

“Very happy. Very happy.” And from the depths of all my frustrations and my refined resentment, I added: “Now Picasso is going to start increasing in value.”

I thought the story ended there. But then I came across the news that Melwyn Weiss’s Picassos—not fourteen, but some one hundred and seventy of them—were being exhibited in La Plata in April 2001. I wonder if Melwyn Weiss knows who this Moshé is—the one gazing at him with wide, astonished eyes from the back of a corridor filled with treasures, where he stands out only for his humble size.

I wonder if I will ever paint again at La Roba, where I left half my soul, and if—when I least expect it—Moshé will be there, asking me a thousand silent questions that I will have no words to answer.

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Hace unos 20.000 años, en varios sitios de Europa en forma simulatea, ignotos artistas esculpieron las llamadas Venus Esteatopigias. Con grandes senos y caderas, la cabeza generalmente oculta. Eran una invocación a la fertilidad.

Algunas de ellas son muy famosas, como la Venus de Willendorf. Pero el artista que la esculpió no podía imaginar cómo se iba a llamar su creación. Sencillamente porque en ese momento no existía el lenguaje.

Así sucede con los contemporáneos toros de Lascaux o los bisontes de Altamira (Capilla Sixtina de la antigüedad)

Si existieran dudas sobre la existencia del lenguaje hace 20.000 años, podemos afirmar rotundamente que no se conocía entre los fabulosos artistas de la recientemente descubierta cueva de Chauvet (37.000 a.e.e.)

Curiosamente, PUEDO SENTIR las emociones que me   transmiten las pinturas…

Puedo admirar la belleza y la gracia de animales extinguidos, conmoverme ante la coquetería de un peinado “a la nubia” femenino…

Participar de la alegría de la caza y el hambre satisfecho… Entristecerme por la muerte de un compañero atacado por una fiera…

Emocionarme ante el cortejo del león a su hembra…

Escuchar el estruendo, estremecerme ante la furia de dos rinocerontes enfrentados en feroz combate…

También me llega la ternura de una mirada compasiva sobre los pequeños ciervos, la paz de los bisontes en descanso y el humor de una vaca que salta sobre un grupo de caballos…

Hasta los osos que habitaban Chauvet se impresionaron, dejando estampadas sus garras sobre las pinturas de caballos al trote.

Entre las imágenes existen las que nos hablan de un MISTERIO. Como la figura mitad brujo mitad bisonte de Chauvet, sosteniendo un enigmático par de piernas femeninas. Eterno misterio del arte. Misterio que permite comunicarme con otros seres humanos a través del tiempo y del espacio, que habla de los temores y emociones de seres que no sabían hablar.

Lidia enciende las velas de un viernes a la noche.

Una emoción profunda e indefinible nos invade, algo como sentirnos especiales, un eslabón en esa continuidad milenaria, tan sólo un eslabón, pero imprescindible para no romper la cadena. En Sudáfrica, más precisamente en Biombos, una cuasi persona, hace 80.000 años, hacía sus primeras manchas sobre una piedra pulida.

He recibido tu mensaje y nos hemos comunicado a través de unos pocos trazos, a pesar de tu aspecto más simiesco que humano

Se iniciaba así una de las aventuras más grandes del espíritu humano.

Pintura y judaísmo. Dos tradiciones. Dos formas de vivir. Dos formas de darle significado al mundo.

Cada artista es único y aporta su grande o pequeño granito de arena a la historia del arte.

Cada ser humano es único, irrepetible, importante a los ojos de D’s, tal como una estrella o una brizna de hierba.

Me siento leal a cada una de estas dos cadenas. La lealtad a una no va en desmedro de la otra.

Ambas me comunican el mandato irrenunciable de completar la obra que D’s creó Lahazot (“para hacerla”).

Gracias por señalarme un camino, hermano Abraham, hermano Moisés, hermano salvaje de la cueva de Biombos.

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Las pinturas de las cuevas de Chauvet/The Pictures in the Caves of Chauvet

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Around 20,000 years ago, at various sites across Europe, unknown artists simultaneously sculpted the so-called steatopygous Venuses—figures with large breasts and hips, and heads that were generally concealed. They were an invocation of fertility.

Some of them are very famous, such as the Venus of Willendorf. Yet the artist who carved her could not have imagined what his creation would be named—simply because language did not exist at that time.

The same applies to the contemporaneous bulls of Lascaux or the bison of Altamira (the “Sistine Chapel of antiquity”).

If there were any doubts about the existence of language 20,000 years ago, we can state categorically that it was unknown to the extraordinary artists of the recently discovered Chauvet Cave (dating back to 37,000 BCE).

Curiously, I CAN FEEL the emotions conveyed by the paintings…

I can admire the beauty and grace of extinct animals, and be moved by the coquetry of a woman’s “Nubian-style” hairstyle…

Share in the joy of the hunt and the satisfaction of hunger… feel sorrow at the death of a companion attacked by a wild beast…

Be stirred by a lion courting his mate…

Hear the thunderous noise and shudder at the fury of two rhinoceroses locked in fierce combat…

I am also touched by the tenderness of a compassionate gaze cast upon young deer, the peace of resting bison, and the humor of a cow leaping over a group of horses…

Even the bears that inhabited Chauvet were impressed, leaving their claw marks stamped over the paintings of trotting horses.

Among the images, there are those that speak to us of a MYSTERY—such as the figure at Chauvet that is half-shaman, half-bison, holding an enigmatic pair of female legs. An eternal mystery of art. A mystery that allows me to communicate with other human beings across time and space, speaking of the fears and emotions of beings who did not yet know how to speak.

Lidia lights the candles on a Friday night.

A profound and indefinable emotion washes over us—a sense of being special, a link in that ancient continuity; merely a link, yet essential to keeping the chain unbroken. In South Africa—specifically at Blombos—a proto-human, 80,000 years ago, made their first marks upon a polished stone.

I have received your message, and we have communicated through a few simple strokes, despite your appearance being more simian than human.

Thus began one of the greatest adventures of the human spirit.

Painting and Judaism. Two traditions. Two ways of living. Two ways of giving meaning to the world.

Every artist is unique, contributing their own part—great or small—to the history of art.

Every human being is unique, unrepeatable, and important in the eyes of God—just like a star or a blade of grass.

I feel loyal to both of these chains. Loyalty to one does not come at the expense of the other.

Both convey to me the unrenounceable mandate to complete the work God created—Lahazot (“to do it”).

Thank you for showing me the way, Brother Abraham, Brother Moses, wild brother from the cave at Blombos.

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Luis Krausz — Profesor e romancista judeu brasileiro/Brazilian Jewish Professor and Novelist– “Bom Retiro, Melhor Retiro”– Um capítulo do romance “Desterro”/A chapter from the novel “Desterro”

Luis Krausz

Luis S. Krausz nasceu em São Paulo, em 1961, em uma família judia de imigrantes. Obteve mestrado em Estudos Clássicos pela Universidade da Pensilvânia e é doutor em Literatura Judaica Moderna pela Universidade de São Paulo, onde leciona Literatura Judaica e Hebraica. Krausz traduz literatura alemã e hebraica para o português e é vencedor de diversos prêmios literários no Brasil, incluindo o Prêmio Benvirá por Deserto, seu segundo romance — obra que também foi finalista do Prêmio Jabuti. Em 2016, seu romance Bazaar Paraná conquistou o segundo lugar no Prêmio Jabuti, e sua obra mais recente, Outro lugar, venceu o Prêmio CEPE em 2017.

“A prosa de Luis Krausz é fluente, clara, com longas passagens de cunho proustiano.”

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Luis S. Krausz was born into an émigré Jewish family in São Paulo in 1961. He earned a Master’s degree in Classical Studies at the University of Pennsylvania and holds a PhD in Modern Jewish Literature from the Universidade de São Paulo, where he teaches Jewish and Hebrew Literature. Krausz translates German and Hebrew Literature into Portuguese, and he is the recipient of several literary prizes in Brazil, including the Benvirá Prize for Deserto, his second novel, also shortlisted for the Jabuti Prize. In 2016, his novel Bazaar Paraná, took second place in the Jabuti Prize, and his latest work, Outro lugar, won the CEPE Prize in 2017.

“Luis Krausz’s prose is fluent, clear, with long, Proustian passages.”

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Luid S. Krausz. Desterro: memórias em ruinas. Sâo Paulo: Tordesillas, 2022, 89-95.

Certa vez, num sábado de manhã, meu pai anunciou uma expedição a Bom Retiro. Iríamos em busca de pão preto e de kasha, iguarias cujo nome meu pai glorificava e enaltecia como o fizeram os nossos antepassados. Depois, que voltávamos de semelhantes expedições, a cheira do kasha cozinhando lentamente na grande panela de alumínio Rochedo, sobre o fogão de perninhas, escapava da cozinha pela porta entreaberta e se espalhava pela casa: uma cheira vulgar e penetrante, uma cheira de desalento e necessidade, e quando o cereal cinzento aparecia sobre a mesa do almoço, fumegante, eu me sentia insultado e ofendido. Mas meu pai comia aquilo com carne de panela, a moda egípcia, e molho, e engalia cerveja entre uma garfada e outra. Assim, quando ele anunciou que iríamos ao Bom Retiro para comprar kasha, um presságio ruim atravessou meu estomago. Era urna manhã de sol, de calor, e no rádio do carro, não sei por que, meu pai sintonizou urna esta9ao que transmitia em alemão, e tocava velhos Schlager. * Nunca tínhamos ouvido aquela estação de rádio, nem voltei a ouvi-la depois daquele dia. Talvez devesse servir como urna forma de antídoto para aquela visita ao bairro judeu? As calçadas cheias de gente não me pareciam muito diferentes das outras cal9adas do centro da cidade, mas eu sabia que, em algum ponto daquele trajeto, tínhamos cruzado urna fronteira invisível, pois a cada tanto minha mãe apontava pela janela, para este e para aquele lado, e no meio da multidão, como que eleitos por algum destino especial, destacavam-se os homens de capotes pretos, chapéus e barbas, cuja alvura parecia vinda de outro mundo, e urna expressão horrenda acompanhava a palavra “ortodoxo”, que esvoaçava celeste para aquele lado da cabine calorenta do nosso carro, acompanhando os gestos nervosos de minha mãe e interrompendo a transmissão da voz de velhinha bem-humorada da apresentadora do programa de Schlager da rádio alemã. Era como se fantasmas estivessem vagando pelas calçadas naquela manhã de sol, seguidas por crian9as que não se davam conta do macabro da situa9ao. Eu não sabia que eram sábios piedosos, isolados e incapazes de falar a língua do lugar em que viviam. E a voz da velhinha bondosa, que falava alemão pelo rádio, era como a da dona da casa do pão de gengibre, a doce senhorinha cujo forno clava a luz as luxuriantes bolachas amanteigadas que eram vendidas na mercearia do português, cuidadosamente arrumadas em fileiras de oito, em saquinhos transparentes e crocantes, fechados com rotulos de cartolina, com letras góticas e com desenhos coloridos da Branca de Neve e dos Sete Anões, moedas grossas açucaradas que estalavam nos dentes, desciam para o estomago aos cacos, para se dissolverem, numa felicidade untuosa, uma felicidade que subia pelo peito e fazia meu rosto reluzir. Mas nossa viagem ao Bom Retiro era em busca de outras especialidades, e assim que dessemos do carro para entrar na mercearia apinhada, me vi diante de um colossal barril cheio de herring.* As matronas judias ainda se davam o trabalho de comprar os peixes inteiros, desossá-los, cortá-los em filés, temperá-los. Consideravam urna vergonha comprar comida pronta. O barril emanava um cheiro forte de mar e trazia aquele gueto em pedaços a memória de outras terras, como se não houvesse nada de novo sob o sol. A vista dos peixes boiando na salmoura proporcionava algum conforto a minha mae, porque seu olhar se demorou ali antes de entrar no lufa-lufa da mercearia. As coisas, lá, evidentemente, nunca eram só o que eram. O barril de arenques era também uma alceia na paisagem pantanosa da Galícia Oriental; seu cheiro era o de peixe salgado misturado a neblina das noites frias, dos casebres onde famílias de muitos membros se aqueciam debaixo de sacos grossos de plumas.

Havia também outro barril grande, com pepinos em conserva, que imediatamente atraiu a atenção de meu pai, e antes que ele pudesse arrancar minha mãe do fascínio heliotrópico que mantinha seus olhos pregados no barril de herring, urna moça ofereceu a meu pai um daqueles pepinos reluzentes, pingando de salmoura. Para meu alívio, ele recusou com um sorriso educado.

Finalmente, quando partimos de lá, levávamos pacotes de kasha, de papel pardo amarrado com barbante, pães, e herrings envoltos em jornal. As nervuras dos arenques deixavam marcas no papel de embrulho, como se ele fosse um sudário. Meu pai desligou a rádio alemã. Urna parte dos herrings seria levada a casa de minha avó materna, no domingo, quando a visitávamos no apartamento pequeno e frio na rua dos Pinheiros, bem em frente a avenida Brasil. Um clima de suspense que nunca cedia pairava no ar, ali.

     A atmosfera desolada do apartamento já se abatía sobre ele como urna pena quando entravamos no carro a caminho da rua dos Pinheiros. Era como se estivéssemos partindo para uma visita aos mortos. Minha irmã e eu tínhamos de vestir roupas engomadas e duras e calçar botinas engraxadas para, quando a avó apertasse nossas bochechas com seus dedos ossudos, nos sentíssemos dentro de uma armadura, pois nada aterrorizava mais minha mãe do que a possibilidade de ser acusada de desleixo. Meu tio agarrava nossas cabecitas e beijava nossas bochechas. Aos poucos urna expressão aborrecida ia distorcendo as faces do meu pai e, no amargor dos cigarros, ele buscava descanso para algum sofrimento que não tinha nome. De quando em quando, meu tio mais velho emitia um tipo de grunhido, um som produzido pela glote que Ilhe saía pelo nariz ao expirar, como se quisesse expulsar algum caroços respiratórias. Ninguém parecia incomodar-se com isso: seus ruídos pareciam tao naturais quanto os estalos do pendulo do carrilhão envidraçado, atrás da poltrona sem braços, mumificada numa capa branca que ia até o chão, sobre a qual meu tio Boris observava tudo. O pendulo prateado mastigava as horas, raivoso, com a lembrança de tempos melhores. Meus tios fingiam não ilhe dar atenção e observavam o jogo na televisão. Meus primos e eu, enquanto isso, nos púnhamos debaixo da mesa e brincávamos que éramos os moradores de urna cidade tomada pela lava de urna grande erupção e que ali era o nosso refúgio.

     Depois, meu tio Boris desapareceu. Aos poucos seu tornou claro que ele namorava urna schíckse,• e que se juntara com ela, vivendo em abominação. Minha avó, e com ela meus tios, o desprezavam por isso e ele recolheu-se a sua vergonha e não se deixara mais ver. Meus tios, de tempos em tempos, o encontravam, em segredo. Depois que ele desapareceu, seu nome continuava a manifestar-se naquelas tardes de domingo, voava de um lado a outro da sala, como um grande inseto enlouquecido, e se chocava com vidro da janela, coma parede, como ominoso carrilhão. Depois se cansavam desse jogo de peteca. A sala era estreita demais e logo se instalava apatia iresignada e melancólica de quem se entrega ao destino de braços cruzados.

     Voltávamos bem tarde para casa.

* Trigo-sarraceno, em russo e em iídiche.

*Arenque em salmoura em iídiche

*  Músicas populares alemãs.

* Gentia em íidishe

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Once, on a Saturday morning, my father announced an expedition to Bom Retiro. We were going in search of black bread and kasha, delicacies whose name my father glorified and extolled as our ancestors had done. After we returned from such expeditions, the smell of kasha slowly cooking in the large Rochedo aluminum pot on the stove with its little legs escaped from the kitchen through the half-open door and spread throughout the house: a vulgar and penetrating smell, a smell of despondency and need, and when the grey cereal appeared on the lunch table, steaming, I felt insulted and offended. But my father ate it with pot roast, Egyptian style, and sauce, and gulped down beer between bites. So, when he announced that we were going to Bom Retiro to buy kasha, a bad premonition crossed my stomach. It was a sunny, warm morning, and on the car radio, I don’t know why, my father tuned into a station broadcasting in German, playing old Schlager records. * We had never heard that radio station before, nor did I hear it again after that day. Perhaps it should serve as a kind of antidote to that visit to the Jewish quarter? The sidewalks full of people didn’t seem very different from the other sidewalks in the city center, but I knew that, at some point along that route, we had crossed an invisible border, because every now and then my mother would point out the window, this way and that, and in the middle of the crowd, as if chosen by some special destiny, stood out the men in black overcoats, hats, and beards, whose whiteness seemed to come from another world, and a horrendous expression accompanied the word “Orthodox,” which fluttered celestially towards that side of the hot cabin of our car, following the nervous gestures of my mother and interrupting the broadcast of the cheerful, elderly voice of the German radio Schlager show host. It was as if ghosts were wandering the sidewalks that sunny morning, followed by children who didn’t grasp the macabre nature of the situation. I didn’t know they were pious sages, isolated and unable to speak the language of the place where they lived. And the kind old lady’s voice, speaking German on the radio, was like that of the gingerbread-house woman—the sweet little lady whose oven brought forth the rich, buttery cookies sold at the Portuguese grocer’s: carefully arranged in rows of eight inside crisp, clear bags sealed with cardstock labels featuring Gothic lettering and colorful illustrations of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs—thick, sugary discs that crunched between one’s teeth and slid down to the stomach in shards, only to dissolve into a buttery bliss, a happiness that rose through my chest and made my face glow. But our trip to Bom Retiro was in search of other specialties, and as soon as we stepped out of the car and into the crowded grocery store, I found myself facing a colossal barrel filled with herring. Jewish matrons still took the trouble to buy the fish whole, debone them, and cut them into. fillets, seasoning them. They considered buying ready-made food a disgrace. The barrel gave off a strong scent of the sea, bringing memories of other lands to that ghetto—as if there were nothing new under the sun. The sight of the fish floating in brine offered my mother some comfort; her gaze would linger there before she stepped into the bustle of the grocery store.

Things there were, of course, never merely what they seemed. The herring barrel was also a village in the marshy landscape of Eastern Galicia; its scent was that of salted fish mingled with the mist of cold nights and the hovels where large families kept warm beneath thick feather quilts.

     There was also another large barrel, this one containing pickled cucumbers, which immediately caught my father’s eye; before he could tear my mother away from the heliotropic fascination that kept her gaze fixed on the herring barrel, a young woman offered him one of those glistening pickles, dripping with brine. To my relief, he declined with a polite smile.

   Finally, when we left, we carried packages of kasha wrapped in brown paper and tied with string, loaves of bread, and herrings wrapped in newspaper. The ridges of the herrings left marks on the wrapping paper, as if it were a burial shroud. My father turned off the German radio. Some of the herrings would be taken to my maternal grandmother’s house on Sunday, when we visited her in her small, cold apartment on Rua dos Pinheiros, right across from Avenida Brasil. An unyielding sense of suspense hung in the air there. Sometimes, the many cries silenced over the years would suddenly erupt in the waxed-floor room, without carpets, on the bare white walls of the rented apartment, which couldn’t be marred by nails or pictures, on the furniture, covered in white slipcovers, waiting for the day when we could finally see its hungry stomach, whose color I didn’t know. And then my Uncle Boris, always sitting in the corner armchair, dressed in his shiny suits, his heavy glasses with thick dark green lenses and a cigar between his fingers, would shout in Yiddish, infuriating my mother and uncles, making my grandmother wring her hands, sometimes bringing tears to her eyes. After a few moments, everything would calm down. My grandmother would bring the crystal glasses from the kitchen and place them at the end of the table, on the part covered by a small tablecloth, along with the little bottles of guaraná and lemon-lime soda—drinks that were forbidden in our house—and the plate with the somewhat sad, round cookies she made, decorated in the middle with a small piece of sticky guava paste, and one of my uncles would turn on the television with its slender legs and wooden cabinet, always gleaming, which sat in a corner of the room, and the sports commentator would recount the plays of the football game. A few more sighs and everyone would resign themselves. For my father, those visits on Sunday afternoons were just another obligation that soured his life. It cast a long shadow over the weekend.

     The desolate atmosphere of the apartment already weighed down on him like a feather when we got into the car on our way to Rua dos Pinheiros. It was as if we were going to visit the dead. My sister and I had to wear stiff, starched clothes and polished boots so that, when Grandma pinched our cheeks with her bony fingers, we would feel like we were inside armor, for nothing terrified my mother more than the possibility of being accused of slovenliness. My uncle would grab our little heads and kiss our cheeks. Gradually, a look of annoyance would distort my father’s face, and in the bitterness of his cigarettes, he sought relief from some nameless suffering. From time to time, my eldest uncle would let out a sort of grunt—a sound produced in the glottis and expelled through his nose as he exhaled, as if trying to dislodge some obstruction in his airways. No one seemed bothered by it; his noises seemed as natural as the ticking of the pendulum in the glass-fronted grandfather clock behind the armless chair—which was mummified in a white floor-length cover and from which Uncle Boris observed everything. The silver pendulum chewed on the hours, furious, haunted by memories of better times. My uncles pretended not to notice him, focusing instead on the game on television. Meanwhile, my cousins ​​and I would crawl under the table and play at being the inhabitants of a city engulfed by lava from a massive eruption, with that space serving as our refuge.

     Then, Uncle Boris disappeared. It gradually became clear that he was courting shiksa* and had moved in with her, living in a state of abomination. My grandmother—and my uncles along with her—despised him for this; he retreated into his shame and was never seen again. My uncles would meet him in secret from time to time. Even after he vanished, his name continued to surface on those Sunday afternoons, flitting back and forth across the room like a frenzied giant insect, crashing against the windowpane, the wall, and that ominous grandfather clock. Eventually, they would tire of this game of shuttlecock. The room was too narrow, and a resigned, melancholy apathy soon set in—the kind felt by those who surrender to their fate with folded arms.

We would return home very late.

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* Buckwheat, in Russian and Yiddish.

* Brined herring, in Yiddish.

* German folk songs.

* Gentile woman, in Yiddish.

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