Teresa Porzecanski Cohen
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Teresa Porzecanski Cohen (1945โ ), antropรณloga, poeta y escritora uruguaya de ascendencia asquenazรญ y siria. Su obra profesional incluye nueve libros sobre antropologรญa y ciencias sociales; entre ellos destaca Historias de vida de inmigrantes judรญos al Uruguay (1986), basado en la historia oral. Porzecanski es docente e investigadora en ciencias sociales en la Universidad de la Repรบblica, en Montevideo. Sus personajes judรญos (tanto asquenazรญes como sefardรญes, en consonancia con sus propias raรญces) ilustran las transformaciones de las tradiciones y creencias en un entorno moderno โy a menudo ajenoโ, asรญ como la forja de una nueva identidad judรญa latinoamericana. Sus libros principales son Construcciones (1979); La invenciรณn de los soles (1982; Sun Inventions and Perfumes of Carthage, Two Novellas, 2000); La respiraciรณn es una fragua (1989); Mesรญas en Montevideo (1989); Perfumes de Cartago (1994); Una novela erรณtica (1986); La piel del alma (1996); Nupcias en familia y otros cuentos (1998); y Felicidades fugaces (2002). Ha recibido numerosos premios nacionales e internacionales, incluidas las becas Fulbright y Guggenheim. Su obra ha sido traducida al inglรฉs, portuguรฉs, alemรกn y neerlandรฉs, e incluida en antologรญas de literatura uruguaya, judรญa y escrita por mujeres.
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Teresa Porzecanski Cohen (1945โ ), Uruguayan anthropologist, poet, and writer of Ashkenazi and Syrian descent. Her professional works includes nine books on anthropology and social sciences, among them Historias de vida de inmigrantes judรญos al Uruguay (“Life Stories of Jewish Immigrants to Uruguay,” 1986), based on oral history. Porzecanski is lecturer and researcher in social sciences at the Universidad de la Repรบblica, Montevideo. Her Jewish characters (Ashkenazi and Sephardi, following her own roots) show the transformations of traditions and beliefs in a modern and often alien environment, and the forging of a new, Latin American Jewish identity. Her main books are Construcciones (“Constructions,” 1979); La invenciรณn de los soles (1982; Sun Inventions and Perfumes of Carthage, Two Novellas, 2000); La respiraciรณnes una fragua (“Breath Is a Forge,” 1989); Mesรญas en Montevideo (“Messiah in Montevideo,” 1989); Perfumes de Cartago (1994); Una novela erรณtica (“An Erotic Novel,” 1986); La piel del alma (“The Soul’s Skin,” 1996); Nupcias en familia y otros cuentos (“Marriage in the Family and Other Stories,” 1998); and Felicidades Fugaces (“Shooting Happiness,” 2002). She has received many national and international awards, including the Fulbright and Guggenheim scholarships. Her works have been translated into English, Portuguese, German, and Dutch, and included in anthologies of Uruguayan, Jewish, and women’s writing.
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Dos cuentos extraรฑos/Two Strange Stories
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LOS MUTANTES
Uno las reconoce enseguida por su aire cansino, sus gestos automรกticos, y su mirada abstraรญda. Deambulan entre las gรณndolas del supermercado, entre las ocho y las diez de la maรฑana. Empujan su carro lentamente, como si pesara una enormidad, y en รฉl van colocando las lechugas, los varios quilos de tomates, las manzanas, los atados de zanahorias y las remolachas.
Despuรฉs, con la misma mirada absorta, de pรกrpados sernicerrados, esperan, disciplinadas, su tumo en la carnicerรญa. El dependiente les pregunta quรฉ van a llevar y no responden -como si aรบn no hubieran salido de algรบn tipo de trance- y entonces รฉl les pregunta por segunda vez, y es cuando ellas se sorprenden y regresan al mundo, y dicen cosas tales como “disculpe, dos kilos de bifes, por favor”.
Algunas llevan pequeรฑos niรฑos de dos o tres aรฑos en el estante superior del carro, nifios que indican insistentemente con la mano objetos que desearรญan comer o tener. Y ellas pacientemente les explican que aquello no es necesario o que esto no es adecuado, y continรบan su camino repetido entre los detergentes, los cepillos, los frascos de mermelada, las golosinas, con sus pรกlidas caras, el pelo que no han tenido tiempo de arreglar, las manos enrojecidas por el agua frรญa, y sus niรฑos.
Se trata de las amas de casa, las que por la maรฑana no hacen de secretarias ni de oficinistas, ni de enfermeras o maestras, tampoco de telefonistas o profesoras (es por la tarde cuando se transforman en “eso”), y por lo tanto, quedan siendo sรณlo ellas, amas de casa. Algunos dicen que sus mentes estรกn puestas en cosas prosaicas, tales como el almuerzo de cada dรญa o la merienda, en meros detalles tales como los precios rebajados, las sรกbanas que esperan el secado, el baรฑo del niรฑo, o el vencimiento de la factura de electricidad. Se las acusa de dedicar sus mentes a cosas nimias, tales como coser un botรณn en la chaqueta del marido, o levantar una cuchara que se ha caรญdo.
En el supermercado, los vigilantes pierden rรกpidamente interรฉs en ellas, abu1Tidos porque no violan jamรกs ninguna nonna. Y para los dependientes, ellas son apenas voces automรกticas que repiten una y otra vez los mismos pedidos en las 1nismas cantidades. Las cajeras las ven llegar, con su andar cansino, y sus varios kilos de arroz, de fiutas y verduras, y saben de antemano que se trata de ellas, de las amas de casa, que se apuran con sus vรญveres antes que la maรฑana se les escape al mediodรญa y la tarde las transforme nuevamente, y, disfrazรกndolas de secretarias, enfermeras o maestras, las vuelva otras.
Porque es sรณlo en ese lapso, entre las ocho y las diez exactamente, que las amas de casa se revelan como lo que son: mutantes que por la maรฑana se hacen cargo minuto a minuto de los detalles mรกs precisos de otras vidas, para despuรฉs convertirse en seres burocrรกticos que trabajan de catorce a veinte y esperan pacientemente el autobรบs que las retomarรก puntualmente a su casa para recomenzar al dรญa siguiente el mismo ciclo.
Hay quienes sospechan que se trata de espectros, figuras irreales que transitan por las ferias y los mercados en busca de alimentos y utensilios caserospara luego meterse en un cuerpo ajeno y misterios, que contesta la correspondencia de la oficina y a tiempo el telรฉfono. Esos son los que dicen que las amas de casa en realidad no existen y que lo que se aprecia haciendo compras en los supermercados son fantasmas escapados de la imaginaciรณn de un creador aburrido. Pero otros aseguran que existen, que son de carne y hueso como usted o como yo, y que afloran solamente entre las ocho y las diez de la maรฑana, con su andar cansino, su mirada abstraรญda, y sus niรฑos, a sostener el mundo.
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THE MUTANTES
You recognize them immediately by their weary air, their automatic gestures, and their abstracted gaze. They wander among the supermarket aisles between eight and ten in the morning. They push their carts slowly, as if they weighed a ton, placing inside them lettuces, several kilos of tomatoes, apples, bunches of carrots, and beets.
Afterward, with that same absorbed gazeโeyelids half-closedโthey wait, disciplined, for their turn at the butcher counter. The clerk asks them what they would like to buy, and they do not answerโas if they had not yet emerged from some sort of trance. Then he asks them a second time; only then are they startled back to reality, returning to the world to say things such as, “Excuse meโtwo kilos of steaks, please.”
Some carry small childrenโtwo or three years oldโon the upper shelf of their shopping carts: children who insistently point at items they wish to eat or possess. And patiently, the women explain to them that this item is not necessary, or that that one is not suitable; then they continue their well-worn pathโwinding past the detergents, the brushes, the jars of jam, and the sweetsโwith their pale faces, their hair they haven’t had time to fix, their hands reddened by cold water, and their children.
We are speaking of housewivesโthose who, in the morning, serve neither as secretaries nor office clerks, neither as nurses nor teachers, nor yet as telephone operators or professors (for it is in the afternoon that they transform into “those things”); and thus, they remain simply themselves: housewives. Some say their minds are fixed on prosaic mattersโsuch as the daily lunch or afternoon snackโon mere details like sale prices, sheets waiting to dry, bathing the child, or the due date of the electricity bill. They are accused of devoting their minds to trivialities, such as sewing a button onto a husbandโs jacket or picking up a dropped spoon.
In the supermarket, security guards quickly lose interest in them, bored because these women never, ever break a single rule. And to the store clerks, they are little more than automated voices, repeating the same requests for the same quantities time and again. The cashiers watch them approachโwith their weary gait and their several kilos of rice, fruit, and vegetablesโand know in advance exactly who they are: the housewives, hurrying along with their groceries before the morning slips away into noon, and before the afternoon transforms them once moreโdisguising them as secretaries, nurses, or teachersโand turns them into someone else entirely.
For it is only during that intervalโbetween eight and ten o’clock, to be preciseโthat housewives reveal themselves for what they truly are: mutants who, in the morning, take chargeโminute by minuteโof the most minute details of other people’s lives, only to later transform into bureaucratic beings who work from two in the afternoon until eight in the evening, patiently awaiting the bus that will whisk them punctually back home to begin the same cycle anew the very next day.
There are those who suspect that they are spectersโunreal figures drifting through fairs and markets in search of food and household wares, only to subsequently slip into a mysterious, alien body that answers office correspondence and picks up the phone right on cue. These are the ones who claim that housewives do not, in fact, existโthat what one sees doing the shopping in supermarkets are merely ghosts escaped from the imagination of a bored creator. Yet others insist that they do existโthat they are flesh and blood, just like you or meโand that they emerge only between eight and ten in the morning, with their weary gait, their abstracted gaze, and their children, to hold the world together.
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DIME TU SECRETO
ยฟCรณmo encontrarlo, en ese balanceo de caderas y hombros, de piernas entrecruzadas, desplazรกndose cadenciosas por el gran salรณn decadente de seรฑeras balconadas? ยฟCรณmo reconocerlo -“alto, morocho, de buen pasar, sesenta y un aรฑos, soy el que tรบ esperas”-en medio de tantos cuerpos envueltos en traje azul, corbata roja, zapatos negros de cordรณn? La carta leรญda por el locutor de la emisora no habรญa sido muy explรญcita. Hasta el รบltimo momento, ademรกs, creyรณ tambiรฉn que no habรญa sido destinada a ella, que habรญa habido una equivocaciรณn o una burla. Tal vez deseรณ realmente que hubiera habido algรบn error que ese hombre no hubiera respondido, que ella misma no hubiera enviado jamรกs una carta a ”Dime tu secreto”, audiciรณn radial que tres veces por semana, lunes, miรฉrcoles y viernes de nueve a diez de la maรฑana, se ofrecรญa a poner en contacto a las almas solitarias.
Pero hubo de bajar igualmente hasta la calle, en bata en pleno invierno, a deslizar su ficha en el telรฉfono, y preguntar a la emisora a quiรฉn iba dirigida esa respuesta, y si era para ella, “Ariana Melancรณlica”, pedir que se la leyeran de nuevo, una y otra vez. Fue entonces cuando los datos del morocho se prendieron como ventosas a su cerebro y comenzaron a producir ardores en sus meandros. Fue entonces que Ariana Melancรณlica apretรณ los bordes de esa bata de franela afelpada y subiรณ rรกpidamente a su pieza, desdeรฑando por una vez la charla consabida con las otras inquilinas en el patio.
Sostenida por su cartera chata, de raso negro, sobre la que las uรฑas pintadas parecรญan gotas de sangre crispada, Ariana Melancรณlica volviรณ a echar una rรกpida mirada a la pista de baile. El salรณn parecรญa directamente salido de las pรกginas de una revista montevideana de los cuarenta y ello la reconfortรณ. Una sensaciรณn de antigua adolescencia ablandรณ un poco su mirada. Entonces, vio de w1 lado a las mujeres, envaradas, el cuerpo tieso a la vez que ofrecido, retenido por la aparente indiferencia del rostro. Todas, con su secreta edad, amas de casa que parecรญan haber inte1n1mpido la costura para desplegar sus burbujeos, empleadas domรฉsticas y auxiliares de oficina, y tambiรฉn aquellas sin oficio o de pasar incierto, que lucรญan sinuosas bajo la malva luz que destitaban las antiguas araรฑas. Del otro lado, los caballeros, ojeando con conocimiento de causa: maduros, trajeados de protocolo, y con gestos de maniquรญ de sastrerรญa.
ยฟCรณmo encontrarlo a รฉl entre esos otros -“traje azul, corbata roja, zapatos de cordรณn”- si todos lucรญan similares? ยฟCรณmo detectar al que tendrรญa sin duda su mirada apasionada dirigida solamente a ella, y una incipiente promesa de paraรญso?
Entrรณ el bandoneรณn un tanto deformado por los amplificadores, y parejas reciรฉn constituidas, de rostro concentrado, iniciaron el rito fatal de una milonga, en tanto nacรญa una fila de mujeres solitarias, que se llamaron a bailar entre ellas, con formalismo adusto. Detrรกs, en un largo banco de madera, oficiaba un pรบblico de matrimonios charlatanes comentando el subido espectรกculo de una oxigenada de indefinida edad, cuyo escote hiciera perder el equilibrio al mozo y estallar las cervezas.
Ariana Melancรณlica quiso llorar, pero tuvo pudor de que รฉl. -si estaba allรญ – percibiera su duelo. En su carta a la emisora, habรญa escrito que era castaรฑa, bien formada, de buen ver, modista fina y con fines serios.
ยฟTal vez รฉl la habรญa identificado, pero al constatarla con tantos kilos de mรกs y esa desolaciรณn de antigua adolescente, habรญa decidido no interpelarla? ยฟAcaso รฉl habรญa intuido que ella en verdad tema cincuenta y ocho y no los cuarenta y cinco declarados?
La orquesta tรญpica chillaba ahora en sus oรญdos. Caminรณ entre el gentรญo como a travรฉs de un pasadizo secreto. Tema suspendido su angustia en el esรณfago y la tragaba lentamente como a un pรณcima amarga. Estaba ya decidida a desaparecer, doblando su desencanto junto a su paรฑuelo estrujado, cuando, al levantar la vista, sintiรณ el punzรณn de una mirada que atravesaba el gentรญo para inmovilizarla.
“Es รฉl”, se dijo, aunque el saberlo en nada le aliviรณ. Con estupor descubriรณ un rostro de carne y hueso, todo concentrado en ella, y se sintiรณ avergonzada. Ahora tenรญa que admitir que รฉl existรญa, que poseรญa un cuerpo, cejas tupidas, un traje azul con finas lรญneas blancas y corbata roja, y esa consistencia de la carne autรณnoma que ocupaba un lugar en el mundo y respiraba. Hubiera preferido ignorar sus arrugas violetas, el bigote canoso y desparejo, la ansiedad de los ojos hundidos, los pรณmulos agrisados por una barba rala. Pero ya lo tenรญa frente a ella, y ya estaban de alguna manera enmaraรฑados en la pista, intentando una coordinaciรณn de movimientos.
Ella sintiรณ que รฉl empujaba su cintura gruesa, y a su vez, depositรณ su brazo blanco y flรกcido sobre la hombrera del traje azul a rayas. Entonces todo empezรณ a moverse en derredor: saltaron los sonidos de los pentagramas tintineando en los oรญdos de Ariana Melancรณlica, el salรณn todo se volviรณ redondo y coloreado, y mientras giraban, las balconadas antiguas, las araรฑas, los mozos, la cerveza, quedaron sรณlo siendo un dibujo esfumado en el diseรฑo sedoso de la plรฉtora. Ella tuvo que perder su bolso de raso, su paรฑuelo, y en medio del gentรญo que ahora se habรญa adolescente, habรญa decidido no interpelarla? ยฟAcaso รฉl habรญa intuido que ella en verdad tema cincuenta y ocho y no los cuarenta y cinco declarados?
La orquesta tรญpica chillaba ahora en sus oรญdos. Caminรณ entre el gentรญo como a travรฉs de un pasadizo secreto. Tema suspendido su angustia en el esรณfago y la tragaba lentamente como a una pรณcima amarga. Estaba ya decidida a desaparecer, doblando su desencanto junto a su paรฑuelo estrujado, cuando, al levantar la vista, sintiรณ el punzรณn de una mirada que atravesaba el gentรญo para inmovilizarla.
“Es รฉl”, se dijo, aunque el saberlo en nada le aliviรณ. Con estupor descubriรณ un rostro de carne y hueso, todo concentrado en ella, y se sintiรณ avergonzada. Ahora tenรญa que admitir que รฉl existรญa, que poseรญa un cuerpo, cejas tupidas, un traje azul con finas lรญneas blancas y corbata roja, y esa consistencia de la carne autรณnoma que ocupaba un lugar en el mundo y respiraba. Hubiera preferido ignorar sus arrugas violetas, el bigote canoso y desparejo, la ansiedad de los ojos hundidos, los pรณmulos agrisados por una barba rala. Pero ya lo tenรญa frente a ella, y ya estaban de alguna manera enmaraรฑados en la pista, intentando una coordinaciรณn de movimientos.
Ella sintiรณ que รฉl empujaba su cintura gruesa, y a su vez, depositรณ su brazo blanco y flรกcido sobre la hombrera del traje azul a rayas. Entonces todo empezรณ a moverse en derredor: saltaron los sonidos de los pentagramas tintineando en los oรญdos de Ariana Melancรณlica, el salรณn todo se volviรณ redondo y coloreado, y mientras giraban, las balconadas antiguas, las araรฑas, los mozos, la cerveza, quedaron sรณlo siendo un dibujo esfumado en el diseรฑo sedoso de la plรฉtora. Ella tuvo que perder su bolso de raso, su paรฑuelo, y en medio del gentรญo que ahora se habรญaadolescente, habรญa decidido no interpelarla? ยฟAcaso รฉl habรญa intuido que ella en verdad tema cincuenta y ocho y no los cuarenta y cinco declarados?
La orquesta tรญpica chillaba ahora en sus oรญdos. Caminรณ entre el gentรญo como a travรฉs de un pasadizo secreto. Tema suspendido su angustia en el esรณfago y la tragaba lentamente como a una pรณcima amarga. Estaba ya decidida a desaparecer, doblando su desencanto junto a su paรฑuelo estrujado, cuando, al levantar la vista, sintiรณ el punzรณn de una mirada que atravesaba el gentรญo para inmovilizarla.
“Es รฉl”, se dijo, aunque el saberlo en nada le aliviรณ. Con estupor descubriรณ un rostro de carne y hueso, todo concentrado en ella, y se sintiรณ avergonzada. Ahora tenรญa que admitir que รฉl existรญa, que poseรญa un cuerpo, cejas tupidas, un traje azul con finas lรญneas blancas y corbata roja, y esa consistencia de la carne autรณnoma que ocupaba un lugar en el mundo y respiraba. Hubiera preferido ignorar sus arrugas violetas, el bigote canoso y desparejo, la ansiedad de los ojos hundidos, los pรณmulos agrisados por una barba rala. Pero ya lo tenรญa frente a ella, y ya estaban de alguna manera enmaraรฑados en la pista, intentando una coordinaciรณn de movimientos.
Ella sintiรณ que รฉl empujaba su cintura gruesa, y a su vez, depositรณ su brazo blanco y flรกcido sobre la hombrera del traje azul a rayas. Entonces todo empezรณ a moverse en derredor: saltaron los sonidos de los pentagramas tintineando en los oรญdos de Ariana Melancรณlica, el salรณn todo se volviรณ redondo y coloreado, y mientras giraban, las balconadas antiguas, las araรฑas, los mozos, la cerveza, quedaron sรณlo siendo un dibujo esfumado en el diseรฑo sedoso de la plรฉtora. Ella tuvo que perder su bolso de raso, su paรฑuelo, y en medio del gentรญo que ahora se habรญa adolescente, habรญa decidido no interpelarla? ยฟAcaso รฉl habรญa intuido que ella en verdad tema cincuenta y ocho y no los cuarenta y cinco declarados?
La orquesta tรญpica chillaba ahora en sus oรญdos. Caminรณ entre el gentรญo como a travรฉs de un pasadizo secreto. Tema suspendido su angustia en el esรณfago y la tragaba lentamente como a una pรณcima amarga. Estaba ya decidida a desaparecer, doblando su desencanto junto a su paรฑuelo estrujado, cuando, al levantar la vista, sintiรณ el punzรณn de una mirada que atravesaba el gentรญo para inmovilizarla.
“Es รฉl”, se dijo, aunque el saberlo en nada le aliviรณ. Con estupor descubriรณ un rostro de carne y hueso, todo concentrado en ella, y se sintiรณ avergonzada. Ahora tenรญa que admitir que รฉl existรญa, que poseรญa un cuerpo, cejas tupidas, un traje azul con finas lรญneas blancas y corbata roja, y esa consistencia de la carne autรณnoma que ocupaba un lugar en el mundo y respiraba. Hubiera preferido ignorar sus arrugas violetas, el bigote canoso y desparejo, la ansiedad de los ojos hundidos, los pรณmulos agrisados por una barba rala. Pero ya lo tenรญa frente a ella, y ya estaban de alguna manera enmaraรฑados en la pista, intentando una coordinaciรณn de movimientos.
Ella sintiรณ que รฉl empujaba su cintura gruesa, y a su vez, depositรณ su brazo blanco y flรกcido sobre la hombrera del traje azul a rayas. Entonces todo empezรณ a moverse en derredor: saltaron los sonidos de los pentagramas tintineando en los oรญdos de Ariana Melancรณlica, el salรณn todo se volviรณ redondo y coloreado, y mientras giraban, las balconadas antiguas, las araรฑas, los mozos, la cerveza, quedaron sรณlo siendo un dibujo esfumado en el diseรฑo sedoso de la plรฉtora. Ella tuvo que perder su bolso de raso, su paรฑuelo, y en medio del gentรญo que ahora se habรญa apartado con curioso respeto para mirarlos bailar, ella sintiรณ que tambiรฉn perdรญa su vestido -de seรฑora cauta de prudente conducta – e iba quedando desnuda, toda abrasada por ese hombre que latรญa. Se abrieron entonces sus grandes senos lรกcteos, y sus muslos se engrasaron sinuosos sobre el cuerpo de รฉl que ahora era sino su propio cuerpo, entreverado con ella hermafrodita, girando en la milonga violรกcea de la pista.
Fue cuando ella le hablรณ asรญ de desnuda y abrasada, le hablรณ al oรญdo de รฉl que tocaba con su boca. “Mis amigas decรญan que esto de la radio era todo un invento”, le dijo. “Que nadie respondรญa a las cartas’‘, le dijo. “Pero ahora me doy cuenta que no sabรญan nada”, le dijo. “Que Ud. sรญ me respondiรณ y que su carta fue verdadera”, le dijo. ”ยฟQuรฉ carta?”, preguntรณ รฉl y repitiรณ “ยฟQuรฉ carta?” Y agregรณ despuรฉs: “Yo no enviรฉ ninguna carta”. Pero ella ya estaba toda ardida por รฉl en el baile impรบdico, y no pudo escucharlo.
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TELL ME YOUR SECRET
How was she to find himโamidst that swaying of hips and shoulders, that crossing and uncrossing of legs, moving rhythmically through the grand, decadent ballroom with its stately balconies? How was she to recognize himโ”tall, dark-haired, well-to-do, sixty-one years old; I am the one you are waiting for”โamidst so many bodies clad in blue suits, red ties, and black lace-up shoes? The letter read aloud by the radio announcer had not been very explicit. Moreover, right up until the very last moment, she had believed that it was not intended for her at allโthat there had been a mistake, or perhaps a cruel hoax. Perhaps, deep down, she truly wished there had been a mistakeโthat this man had never replied, that she herself had never actually sent a letter to “Tell Me Your Secret,” the radio program that, three times a weekโMondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, from nine to ten in the morningโoffered to bring lonely souls together.
Yet she felt compelled to go down to the street regardlessโclad only in her bathrobe in the dead of winterโto drop a coin into the payphone and ask the station who the reply was addressed to; and then, confirming it was indeed meant for herโ”Ariana Melancรณlica”โto ask them to read it to her again, over and over. It was then that the details regarding the dark-haired man latched onto her brain like suction cups, beginning to burn deep within its winding corridors. It was then that Ariana Melancรณlica clutched the edges of her plush flannel bathrobe tight and hurried back up to her room, forgoingโjust this onceโthe customary chatter with the other boarders out in the courtyard.
Clutching her flat, black satin evening bagโupon which her painted fingernails looked like drops of clotted bloodโAriana Melancรณlica cast another quick glance at the dance floor. The ballroom seemed lifted straight from the pages of a 1940s Montevideo magazine, and this brought her comfort. A sense of her own distant adolescence softened her gaze ever so slightly. Then, to one side, she saw the women: stiff and rigid, their bodies held taut yet simultaneously offered upโrestrained only by the apparent indifference of their faces. All of them, with their secret agesโhousewives who looked as if they had paused their sewing to come out and sparkle; domestic servants and office clerks; and also those with no trade, or of uncertain means, who looked sinuous beneath the mauve light glinting from the antique chandeliers. On the other side stood the gentlemen, sizing up the scene with a knowing eye: middle-aged, clad in formal suits, and moving with the stiff gestures of tailor-shop mannequins.
How was she to find him amidst all the othersโ”blue suit, red tie, lace-up shoes”โwhen they all looked so alike? How could she spot the one whose passionate gaze would undoubtedly be fixed solely upon her, carrying with it the nascent promise of paradise?
The bandoneon enteredโits sound slightly distorted by the amplifiersโand newly formed couples, their faces etched with concentration, began the fateful ritual of a milonga; meanwhile, a line of solitary women took shape, inviting one another to dance with a stern, formal air. Behind them, seated on a long wooden bench, a crowd of chatty married couples held court, commenting on the risquรฉ spectacle provided by a peroxide blonde of indeterminate ageโa woman whose plunging neckline had caused a waiter to lose his balance and send a tray of beers crashing to the floor.
Ariana Melancรณlica felt the urge to weep, yet she felt too self-consciousโlest he (if, indeed, he was there) should perceive her sorrow. In her letter to the radio station, she had written that she was a brunetteโwell-figured, good-looking, a skilled dressmaker, and a woman seeking a serious relationship.
Perhaps he had recognized her, but upon seeing herโburdened by so many extra pounds and that desolation of a former adolescentโhad decided not to approach her? Had he perhaps sensed that she was, in truth, fifty-eight rather than the forty-five she claimed?
The tรญpica orchestra now shrieked in her ears. She walked through the crowd as if passing through a secret passageway. She felt her anguish suspended in her throat, swallowing it slowly like a bitter potion. She had already resolved to vanishโfolding up her disillusionment alongside her crumpled handkerchiefโwhen, lifting her gaze, she felt the sharp prick of a stare cutting through the crowd to pin her in place.
“Itโs him,” she told herself, though knowing it brought her no relief whatsoever. With stupefaction, she beheld a face of flesh and bloodโevery feature focused entirely on herโand she felt a flush of shame. Now she had to admit that he existed; that he possessed a body, bushy eyebrows, a blue suit with fine white pinstripes and a red tieโthat tangible solidity of autonomous flesh that occupied a space in the world and breathed. She would have preferred to remain oblivious to his violet-hued wrinkles, his graying, uneven mustache, the anxiety in his sunken eyes, and the gray pallor of his cheekbones beneath a sparse stubble. But there he stood, right before her; and now, somehow, they were already entangled on the dance floor, attempting to coordinate their movements.
She felt him pressing against her ample waist, and in turn, she rested her pale, flaccid arm upon the padded shoulder of his blue pinstripe suit. Then, everything around them began to spin: notes seemed to leap from the musical staffs, tinkling in Ariana Melancรณlicaโs ears; the entire ballroom swirled into a kaleidoscope of color and curves; and as they turned, the antique balconies, the chandeliers, the waiters, and the beer all dissolved into a mere blurred sketchโa silky, indistinct pattern within that overwhelming plenitude. She had lost her satin purse, her handkerchief; and amidst the crowdโwhich had now taken on a distinctly youthful airโhad he decided not to approach her? Had he perhaps sensed that she was, in truth, fifty-eight years old, and not the forty-five she had claimed?
The tรญpica orchestra now shrieked in her ears. She walked through the throng as if passing through a secret corridor. She felt her anguish suspended in her esophagus, swallowing it slowly like a bitter draught. She was already resolved to vanishโfolding up her disillusionment alongside her crumpled handkerchiefโwhen, lifting her gaze, she felt the sharp prick of a stare piercing through the crowd to pin her in place.
“Itโs him,” she told herself, though knowing it brought her no relief whatsoever. With stupefaction, she discovered a face of flesh and bloodโentirely focused upon herโand she felt a flush of shame. Now she had to admit that he existed; that he possessed a body, bushy eyebrows, a blue suit with fine white pinstripes and a red tieโthat tangible solidity of autonomous flesh that occupied a space in the world and breathed. She would have preferred to remain oblivious to his violet-hued wrinkles, his graying, uneven mustache, the anxiety in his sunken eyes, and the gray pallor of his cheekbones beneath a sparse stubble. But now he stood right before her; and now, in some inexplicable way, they were already entangled on the dance floor, attempting to coordinate their movements.
She felt him pressing against her ample waist; and in turn, she rested her pale, flaccid arm upon the padded shoulder of his blue pinstripe suit. Then, everything around them began to spin: sounds leaped from the musical staffs, tinkling in Ariana Melancรณlicaโs ears; the entire ballroom seemed to turn round and burst into color; and as they twirled, the antique balconies, the chandeliers, the waiters, and the beer all dissolved into nothing more than a blurred sketchโa silky, shimmering pattern within that overwhelming plenitude. She had to lose her satin purse, her handkerchiefโand amidst the crowd that had now taken on a youthful airโhad he decided not to approach her? Had he perhaps sensed that she was, in truth, fifty-eight years old, and not the forty-five she had claimed?
The tรญpica orchestra now shrieked in her ears. She walked through the crowd as if through a secret passageway. She felt her anguish suspended in her throat, swallowing it slowly like a bitter potion. She was already resolved to vanishโfolding up her disillusionment alongside her crumpled handkerchiefโwhen, lifting her gaze, she felt the sharp prick of a stare piercing through the crowd to hold her fast.
“Itโs him,” she told herself, though knowing it brought her no relief whatsoever. With stupefaction, she discovered a face of flesh and bloodโfocused entirely upon herโand she felt a pang of shame. Now she had to admit that he existed; that he possessed a body, bushy eyebrows, a blue suit with fine white pinstripes and a red tieโand that tangible solidity of autonomous flesh that occupied a space in the world and breathed. She would have preferred to remain oblivious to his violet-hued wrinkles, his graying, uneven mustache, the anxiety in his sunken eyes, and his cheekbones grayed by a sparse stubble. But now he stood right before her; and now, in some inexplicable way, they were already entangled on the dance floor, attempting to coordinate their movements.
Perhaps he had recognized her, but upon seeing herโburdened by so many extra pounds and that desolation of a former adolescentโhad decided not to approach her? Had he perhaps sensed that she was, in truth, fifty-eight rather than the forty-five she claimed?
The tรญpica orchestra now shrieked in her ears. She walked through the crowd as if passing through a secret passageway. She felt her anguish suspended in her throat, swallowing it slowly like a bitter potion. She had already resolved to vanishโfolding up her disillusionment alongside her crumpled handkerchiefโwhen, lifting her gaze, she felt the sharp prick of a stare cutting through the crowd to pin her in place.
“Itโs him,” she told herself, though knowing it brought her no relief whatsoever. With stupefaction, she beheld a face of flesh and bloodโevery feature focused entirely on herโand she felt a flush of shame. Now she had to admit that he existed; that he possessed a body, bushy eyebrows, a blue suit with fine white pinstripes and a red tieโthat tangible solidity of autonomous flesh that occupied a space in the world and breathed. She would have preferred to remain oblivious to his violet-hued wrinkles, his graying, uneven mustache, the anxiety in his sunken eyes, and the gray pallor of his cheekbones beneath a sparse stubble. But there he stood, right before her; and now, somehow, they were already entangled on the dance floor, attempting to coordinate their movements.
She felt him pressing against her ample waist, and in turn, she rested her pale, flaccid arm upon the padded shoulder of his blue pinstripe suit. Then, everything around them began to spin: notes seemed to leap from the musical staffs, tinkling in Ariana Melancรณlicaโs ears; the entire ballroom swirled into a kaleidoscope of color and curves; and as they turned, the antique balconies, the chandeliers, the waiters, and the beer all dissolved into a mere blurred sketchโa silky, indistinct pattern within that overwhelming plenitude. She had lost her satin purse, her handkerchief; and amidst the crowdโwhich had now taken on a distinctly youthful airโhad he decided not to approach her? Had he perhaps sensed that she was, in truth, fifty-eight years old, and not the forty-five she had claimed?
The tรญpica orchestra now shrieked in her ears. She walked through the throng as if passing through a secret corridor. She felt her anguish suspended in her esophagus, swallowing it slowly like a bitter draught. She was already resolved to vanishโfolding up her disillusionment alongside her crumpled handkerchiefโwhen, lifting her gaze, she felt the sharp prick of a stare piercing through the crowd to pin her in place.
“Itโs him,” she told herself, though knowing it brought her no relief whatsoever. With stupefaction, she discovered a face of flesh and bloodโentirely focused upon herโand she felt a flush of shame. Now she had to admit that he existed; that he possessed a body, bushy eyebrows, a blue suit with fine white pinstripes and a red tieโthat tangible solidity of autonomous flesh that occupied a space in the world and breathed. She would have preferred to remain oblivious to his violet-hued wrinkles, his graying, uneven mustache, the anxiety in his sunken eyes, and the gray pallor of his cheekbones beneath a sparse stubble. But now he stood right before her; and now, in some inexplicable way, they were already entangled on the dance floor, attempting to coordinate their movements.
She felt him pressing against her ample waist; and in turn, she rested her pale, flaccid arm upon the padded shoulder of his blue pinstripe suit. Then, everything around them began to spin: sounds leaped from the musical staffs, tinkling in Ariana Melancรณlicaโs ears; the entire ballroom seemed to turn round and burst into color; and as they twirled, the antique balconies, the chandeliers, the waiters, and the beer all dissolved into nothing more than a blurred sketchโa silky, shimmering pattern within that overwhelming plenitude. She had to lose her satin purse, her handkerchiefโand amidst the crowd that had now taken on a youthful airโhad he decided not to approach her? Had he perhaps sensed that she was, in truth, fifty-eight years old, and not the forty-five she had claimed?
The tรญpica orchestra now shrieked in her ears. She walked through the crowd as if through a secret passageway. She felt her anguish suspended in her throat, swallowing it slowly like a bitter potion. She was already resolved to vanishโfolding up her disillusionment alongside her crumpled handkerchiefโwhen, lifting her gaze, she felt the sharp prick of a stare piercing through the crowd to hold her fast.
“Itโs him,” she told herself, though knowing it brought her no relief whatsoever. With stupefaction, she discovered a face of flesh and bloodโfocused entirely upon herโand she felt a pang of shame. Now she had to admit that he existed; that he possessed a body, bushy eyebrows, a blue suit with fine white pinstripes and a red tieโand that tangible solidity of autonomous flesh that occupied a space in the world and breathed. She would have preferred to remain oblivious to his violet-hued wrinkles, his graying, uneven mustache, the anxiety in his sunken eyes, and his cheekbones grayed by a sparse stubble. But now he stood right before her; and now, in some inexplicable way, they were already entangled on the dance floor, attempting to coordinate their movements.
She felt him pressing against her thick waist, and in turn, she rested her pale, flaccid arm upon the padded shoulder of his blue pinstripe suit. Then, everything began to move. She felt him press against her ample waist, and in turn, she draped her pale, fleshy arm over the padded shoulder of his blue pinstripe suit. Then everything around them began to spin: soundsโlike musical notes tinkling on a staffโleapt and chimed in Ariana Melancรณlicaโs ears; the entire ballroom swirled into a blur of color and motion. As they turned, the antique balconies, the chandeliers, the waiters, and the beer all dissolved into nothing more than a hazy sketch within the silky, swirling tapestry of the crowd. She felt her satin handbag slip away, then her handkerchief; and amidst the throngโwhich had now parted with a curious, respectful deference to watch them danceโshe felt her very dress falling away as wellโthe dress of a cautious lady of prudent conductโleaving her utterly naked, consumed by the burning heat of this man who throbbed against her. Her large, milky breasts seemed to spill open, and her thighsโsinuous and yieldingโslid against his body, which now felt like nothing other than her own, fused with hers in a hermaphroditic embrace, spinning within the violet haze of the dance floor.
It was thenโnaked and aflame as she wasโthat she spoke to him, whispering into the very ear her lips were grazing. “My friends used to say this whole ‘radio’ business was just a sham,” she told him. “They said nobody ever actually answered the letters,” she said. “But now I realize they didn’t know a thing,” she said. “That you did answer me, and that your letter was real,” she said. “What letter?” he asked, then repeated: “What letter?” And a moment later, he added: “I didn’t send any letter.” But she was already burning too fiercely for him, lost in the shameless abandon of the dance, and she could not hear him.
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